I Swear I'm There
by Emmett's Coastie
Summary: Bella is admitted to West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital after years of schizophrenic illusions. As she finds closeness with a kooky roommate, a burly orderly and a handsome male nurse, she struggles to separate reality from dreams.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. Bless her.

A/N: This is my second fanfic. The idea came to me one night just as I was about to fall asleep. And subsequently, could not get to sleep. So I burned the midnight oil, knowing full well I would not be rested enough for the Monday ahead, just to bring you the first chapter. So I hope you like it!

Bella's in a psych ward.

Yep.

Without further ado, I humbly and graciously present the first chapter. Enjoy!

CHAPTER ONE: LINENS AND THINGS

BELLA

It's amazing how little personal items you're allowed to bring with you once you're admitted. Christ, you'd think they'd at least consider the comfort factor that familiarity brings. It might do some of these poor saps some good to possess an item from home, it might even help with the "progress" of their treatment.

Whatever the fuck that meant.

I had been in "treatment" for a while. There was always some pill, some heart to heart with a PhD holding jackass that led to more pills and more professional opinions. But none of them really ever seemed to work. Talking about my feelings or what I experienced didn't stop the confusion or frustration. Hell, half the time I wasn't even sure the doctors were real, or if I really was taking my medicine everyday. For all I knew, I could be sitting on the couch as Charlie and I watched the Mariners highlights while imagining myself in a seemingly real office. A stuffy, mahogany filled office with a judgmental asshole scratching away on yellow legal paper.

That was just it. I had trouble separating reality from nonexistent visions. When I was a child, my parents just thought I had an overactive imagination. A wrong diagnosis of ADHD landed me on Ritalin until the age of eleven. But around that time, the fantasy land trips became more frequent, even dangerous. It was difficult on my dad. Hell, it'd scare me shitless too if my daughter walked out of the house one night, skipping down the road thinking some little girl named Emma asked if she could come out and play.

I never felt my dad's arms wrap around me. I don't remember him shaking me, telling me to wake up, snap out of it. I didn't feel my feet leave the frozen asphalt as he picked me up and carried me home. That sort of shit was tough on a single dad.

But with all the prognosis' and diagnosis', prescriptions and therapy, I still ended up here. The grand West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital. And I occupied a room void of anything but shockingly bright white walls, a desk (complete with reading lamp…score.), a dresser and an old metal frame bed with white linens and a grey wool blanket. My God, it was One Flew Over the Coo Coo's Nest…I shuddered to think of actually seeing Nurse Ratchet. Honestly, someone should have just popped that bitch first thing.

Charlie came to visit whenever he could. But with the busy schedule of a police chief, and the long drive from Forks, there was only so often he could manage. Even less often, my old buddy Jacob would make the trip. He had a good excuse all his own though. Being 17, in high school, making minimum wage part time at a lumber yard and driving a money pit of an old beater hampered his ability to come hang out on a whim.

I hadn't been here long, a couple of months. I guess. At seven o'clock they wake us up. No sleeping in, unless you pass out in your own drool depending on your prescription. Or if it was a Sunday. God, I loved Sundays…. At seven-thirty we get breakfast. Nine to twelve is activity time. Then lunch. Then drugs at one. And sessions and Q & A until four. After that it's leisure time until lights out a nine. I was at least thankful that I wasn't strapped to the bed. That shit would not fly.

It didn't help with the strict schedule though. What if I didn't feel like arts and crafts, or ping pong? What if I wanted to sit and read before leisure time? And fuck, is it really that difficult to get decent literature? What the fuck do I need with Reader's Digest? What if I wanted to sleep late, or stay up until one in the morning? Just because my head was jacked, didn't mean I was a child. I was legally an adult. Last time I checked, a nineteen year old could handle themselves.

When I had first arrived here, I had a check in with the chief psycho-babble shrink, Dr. Cullen. He insisted I call him Carlisle. I guess that was to make me feel more comfortable around him. I had regular check ins with him, to assess my progress, but for the most part I dealt with Dr. Irina Detczkof. Or as I preferred, Rooskie Bitch.

"Why do you call your father Charlie?" she asked.

"Be-cause that's his name." I said slowly, not entirely sure what she was asking. Surely she would know that trivial bit of info.

"Yes, but you don't refer to him as 'father' or 'dad'?"

"I do call him dad." I said flatly.

"But when addressing him, you always use his first name. Why is that?"

Jesus fucking Christ.

This is what annoyed me to no end. They were all the same, every doctor I had every visited had the same way of nit picking every little insignificant detail or word that fell from my lips.

"I don't know. That's just what my mom called him, so I did too."

"This started in your early childhood? So it's a learned behavior from your mother. You mistook her addressing him by his first name as the norm and adopted the practice yourself…. Did you not realize as you got older that was the case? That you should instead refer to him as 'dad'?" She rambled.

"No, I got." I said pointedly. "It just stuck. It's a….term of endearment."

"Mmm…" she hummed, scribbling away on her pad of paper. Fucking notes.

I looked around the room as she wrote, it was pretty standard. Doctorates hanging on the wall, fake indoor plant in the corner. But no family pictures. Usually there was at least a family photo, or a quick snapshot of kids on some vacation. Or some sort of personal knick-knack. But there was nothing like that in this office, not with Russian mail order bride here.

"Do you think you continued to follow your mother's example of calling your father Charlie because of her death?" she asked.

"What?" my focus came back to her, my eyes narrowing.

"Do you think you refer to your father by his first name as a way of imitating her, as a way of keeping her around?"

"No….Like I said, it's just something that stuck." I said slowly. Who was this bitch to ask something like that?

She peered over her notes before leaning toward me.

"Why do you avoid talking about your mother?" she asked.

Son of a bitch woman, get off your Freud kick about my mom.

"I don't." I said tersely.

"Tell me about her."

Seriously?

"Her name was Renee, she was a great mom, loved her as much as any kid loves their mother and she died one day in a car accident." I said harshly. "That's about it."

Irina nodded slowly.

"Hmm….and how did that make you feel?"

I stared blankly at her for a moment. Shocked at the stupidity of her question.

"How did I feel?" I asked astonished.

She nodded again.

"How the fuck do you think it felt? My mother fucking died! What kind of a question is that?"

I gaped at her, waiting for some sort of response. But she merely shrugged her shoulders.

"I want to hear it in your own words. Every experience is unique to the individual as the individual themselves." she said.

I couldn't believe what was actual coming from this woman. Was she trying to get a rise out of me? Was this some weird way of evaluating my responses?

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I said low.

"Language sweetie."

I froze.

In the corner of my eye I saw another occupant in the room. It wasn't the first time this had happened. It wasn't the first time my mother decided to make a sudden appearance. I didn't look at her though. It wouldn't look to good to babushka bitch if I entertained people who weren't really there.

"Bella?" my mother called. "Bella, look at me honey."

But I didn't. I kept my eyes on callous bitch in front of me.

"My own words?" I verified.

"Yes." she said quietly.

"I was nine. Charlie- dad, was on duty when the call came through. He had to go to the wreck. I stayed at grandma's for a while. And it royally sucked balls. My mother died you dim-witted cunt nugget. I don't care what 'individual' you ask they'll all tell you the same thing. It fucking sucks. Those are my words."

She never even blinked. A small smirk flirted with the corners of her mouth and she nodded for the thousandth time.

"Are we done?" I spat.

"Yes, Isabella. We're done for today." she replied calmly.

I stood and walked quickly out the door. Resisting the reflex to look when my mother reached out to me as I passed.

I walked quickly to the common room, plopping down on one of the sofas and snatched up an out of date magazine. I didn't bother to read the title, but it was one of those celebrity filled trash-mags that gossiped and twisted contexts, spewing entertaining rumors of flawed famous people. I flipped through the pages mindlessly, barely seeing the images of stars without make up or who has cellulite.

"Miss Swan, it isn't leisure time just yet. We have a couple of hours until-"

"Go fuck yourself." I spat.

I didn't look up to see the surprise or hurt on the nurses face, but I could sense it. I pretended to read an article, but in my peripheral I could see the damage my words had inflicted, and immediately felt sorry. But not enough to stop cowering behind the tabloid and apologize like I should have.

I looked up finally to see her moving on slowly. Checking in kindly with the other patients.

"Sorry…" I muttered under my breath.

That cunt Irina had gotten under my skin, she always did. I had asked Carlisle several times to get me a different doctor, but he felt she had a way of connecting with me that provoked me to open up. It certainly provoked me to open my profane vocabulary. But I doubted it helped at all with my situation.

"You know, half of the crap in those things isn't true." a male voice came from behind me.

And as much as I regretted snapping at the nice young nurse only moments ago, the whole lack of having a moment to myself was really starting to piss me off. My mouth had already opened, a fresh insult on my lips as I turned to face the annoying shoulder reader behind me.

"Gee, thanks ass-tard. I didn't know-"

Holy shit.

He was gorgeous.

"Holy shit…"

"Sorry?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Uh…I uh. Fuck." I mumbled.

A throaty chuckle sounded under his breath.

"Sorry to catch you off guard, I just wanted to come see what was so important that you would snap at poor Angela for interrupting…." he said.

I felt my face grow hot.

"Oh… I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have yelled at her like that…." I said, embarrassed.

"Perhaps," he said low and velvety. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"O-kay…" I mumbled.

Barely.

A small smile turned up one corner of his lips, setting a deep dimple into his cheek. Then he fucking _winked_ before moving on, checking in with others.

My eyes unconsciously followed after him.

He wore white scrubs, like the other nurses. God damn…he even made those things look good. Who the hell was this guy? I hadn't seen him around here before… He must be new. But some of the other patients seemed to know him. That strange girl with the pixie cut seemed overly familiar. Upon his approach, she jumped up from her seat and ran over to him, wrapping her thin arms around his neck.

What the hell exactly did she think she was doing? Getting all up close and personal…

Well, she didn't seem to be grinding herself on him or anything. It seemed very innocent and plutonic….Still.

What the fuck? What did I care? Why the hell should I get jealous if some girl gets cozy with him? What did I care how good his tight ass looked in those mundane scrubs? Hmm….well, I could care about that. I mean, it was particularly good looking…. Such beauty should be admired.

He seemed comfortable enough around her. Alice, I think her name was. She was weird, but he seemed cool with her. That wonderful, crooked smile lit his features again as she began bouncing up and down and laughing.

Jesus she was cheery.

She squealed a little before clapping her hands excitedly in front of her.

He lifted his shirt a little to reveal a magazine in the waistband of his pants.

Holy fuck!

He removed it and held it out to her. The smile on his face was adoring, like a parent watching their kid open a present on Christmas. She was special to him….shit. But it too seemed plutonic. Maybe? Maybe it was just strictly plutonic between them? Hopefully. Damn, finally a more than decent piece of eye candy and he isn't hopelessly attached. At least not to her.

That night, they had made chicken fettuccini. It was decent. If anything about this place, the food was always surprisingly tasty.

My roommate was always one for conversation, but quite frankly, I rarely was. She was nice enough, and I suppose I was the bitch for not being more neighborly, but damn. I just didn't feel like sharing my whole life story, or constantly hearing about hers. Sometimes she would peek over from her bed and ask of my life outside this place. She would share the pictures she had brought or received during many visits from loved ones.

Maybe I was just sore at her for having so much contact with the outside world. Her family and friends were all based here in Seattle and did not have to travel so long to spend the weekend catching up with her.

Maybe it was because she was leaving here soon. Her treatment had progressed nicely enough and her response to the provided medication proved effective. Jessica's condition had been similar to mine, seeing things and people who weren't there. But it never seemed as severe as mine. She was cheery and open to treatment. Maybe that was the difference.

Maybe that was the secret to her success. But it didn't seem to be the answer to me and my own situation. Whatever the prescription, whatever the exercise or assessment, the delusions were ever present. And ever increasing in frequency.

"Are you sad that she is leaving?" Dr. Carlisle asked.

I was once again in his office for an impromptu visit. We had scheduled weekly visits to review my progress or to voice any concerns I might have, but I sometimes found myself in here before said time. Usually to complain and request a change in primary oversight doctors. Surely there was another doctor that did not have such a busy patient schedule that I couldn't dodge Dr. Irina 'I like over examining un-relevant soft spots in my patients' Detchkof.

"Not really… it'll be a lot quieter without her chatty ass there." I replied.

He chuckled quietly behind his desk, his fingers intertwined as he lounged comfortably in his chair. Carlisle was easy to talk to.

"So what's the problem then?" he asked warmly.

"I don't know… just…we kind of have the same thing, you know. I don't know I just…."

"How is it that she's leaving and you aren't?" he finished for me. "Bella, everyone is different. We all have varying levels and complexities to our conditions. Miss Stanley just found a way to control hers is all. We found the right combination of medicine and treatment that worked for her unique condition. And it certainly did not happen over night. Miss Stanley was here long before you had arrived."

"I know that…" I mumbled.

"How _are_ you doing?" he asked. " Irina said that you've been fighting her a lot lately."

"I don't like her." I said matter of factly.

Carlisle chuckled again.

"I know you don't…. But how's the treatment treating you? Any delusions recently?" he asked.

Part of me didn't want to tell him, or anyone about seeing my mother again. But that wasn't going to help anyone. Certainly not me. And if I wanted to get out of this place anytime soon, I'd have to play ball. And this was Dr. Cullen I was talking to. If there was anyone I could tell, it was him.

"I saw my mother." I said quietly, looking at my shoes.

"Your mother?" he confirmed quietly, bringing his hand up to rest his cheek on. "When was this?"

My previous conclusion to be truthful for progress' sake shook slightly. If I confessed it was during the Russian bitch's session he may see it as her provoking some 'progress' out of me. And that wasn't going to further my quest to ditch her. Perhaps it would bring more progress in her absence? Perhaps my treatment would prove more effective at the hands of another? Yes. Yes it would. Lie. Lie your ass off Swan!

"During activity time." I fibbed.

Carlisle nodded, his kind eyes encouraging me to elaborate.

My mind quickly formed a believable story, building off the premise I had just provided.

"I was outside, sitting in the grass while I watched others play basketball…I was browsing the flowers that were around me. I picked a few…and there she was… sitting cross legged next to me." I said.

Carlisle nodded again and hmm'ed.

"Was that something you remember sharing with her when she was alive? Picking flowers with her?" he asked gently.

Actually, I could remember doing that very thing with her when I was young. It was in the early summer…I was very young, maybe six or seven… we had all gone out for a picnic. I remember we went down the same road to get to Jake's house. We pulled over next to a big field…she let me pick flowers…. She bundled them up for me, tying them together with a long blade of grass and placing them in the center of our blanket while we ate. I could remember the sun glowing behind her, highlighting her sandy blond hair….

"Yes." I answered, still lost in reverie.

"Interesting." he said quietly.

I shook my head slightly, clearing the image from my mind and forcing myself into the present.

"I should go." I said, "And you should too, Jesus it's late. Don't you have a wife to get home to? Good God that poor woman…."

He chuckled heartily, raising from his chair as I did and bidding me goodnight.

"Oh, and Bella?" he voiced behind me as I made my way to the door. "I've scheduled a session with Dr. Whitlock for you on Thursday." he smirked ever so slightly.

What a tease, he knew what that meant to me. No more intrusive, heartless nonsense from Rooskie bitch….Well that certainly is a hell of a way to cap off the evening.

I lay in bed later, smiling to myself with the good news and listening to Jessica's gentle snores.

Son of Bitch, even in her sleep, some sort of noise had to come from that mouth of hers….

I laughed to myself.

I _was_ happy for her. I was glad that she was well enough again to function in everyday society. That her condition, her level and complexity of schizophrenia was manageable and not so dangerous as mine was.

My happy thoughts soured slightly. My level and complexity was quite different from hers… Mine blinded my mind in disillusion while my body remained firmly in the present. Prompting me to believe I was else where other than the kitchen while I sliced tomatoes. Not noticing that my hands continued their movements while my mind was far away. That actually happened. Twice. I needed seven stitches.

I turned over, facing away from Jessica and her contented snores.

As sleep took me, a face swam somewhere behind my eyes. A face framed in waves of bronze strands of hair. Deep green eyes smiled back at me….

**A/N: So there you have it. Chapter one. I'll be working on number two and try to post it as soon as possible, as well as trying to wrap up my first fanfic My Father's Eyes. But that one seems to be ever-growing and refusing to be wrapped up anytime soon. I will write as my crazy career allows my dear lovies. In the meantime, drop me a review.**

**See you next time!**


	2. Chapter 2 Encounters & Chocolate

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. And we love her for it.

**A/N: Well hey there lovies! Seems you liked chapter one well enough, so I've been busting my buns on getting chapter two all nice and written up for you. Big thanks to SaveMeFromTheNothingI'veBecome and Katie Marieeee for the shout outs! Let's get us some crazy Bella moments shall we? And maybe a few other crazies? Yes? Yes.**

**Chapter songs are:**

**Aeroplane, Breaking the Girl and Give It Away by Red Hot Chili Peppers **

**So no more stalling, here's chapter 2:**

CHAPTER TWO: ENCOUNTERS & CHOCOLATE

"McCarty, come on. Two more seconds!" I pleaded.

He sighed heavily. "You have somewhere to be right now, don't you?"

"It's activity time, this is an activity." I explained weakly.

He sighed quietly.

Emmett McCarty was a giant of a man, and an imposing figure as an orderly. But he was an absolute teddy bear. And a totally cool with me.

"Alright, Swan. Just finish it up quick. Then get outside or something, it's sunny today." He said.

"Thanks big guy." I said sweetly.

"Yeah, yeah." he said, turning his back to me and looking down the hall.

"Jacob?" I said, returning the phone to my ear.

"Yeah, so this Saturday okay?" I heard him say down the line.

"Yep, can't wait!"

Jacob laughed a little. "Alright, we'll see you then."

"Alright…hey, Jake!"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Bring me some chocolate or something, I'm dying here. 'Kay?" I added pleadingly.

I saw Emmett glance at me briefly, his eyebrows raised.

"Alright. See ya Bells." Jacob said, with a breathy chuckle.

"See you, Jake." I said quietly, the small smile on my lips growing to touch the rest of my face.

He and my Dad were making the trip up this weekend. After three weeks of not seeing Charlie and nearly a month since seeing Jacob, I was pretty psyched. It was hard to say if it had felt longer since their last visit or if time had flown by so fast that it was difficult to notice. In all truth, it was an odd combination of both.

I missed them.

But at the same time, life in a new place, living with a stranger for a roommate and opening up to a so called 'professional' had a way of being overwhelming. And blinding one from the amount of time that had actually passed.

"Alright, that's settled." Emmett said, his eyes bouncing from me to the windows. He was a little fidgety. "Now come on, let's go play some basketball or something. One on one."

The big orderly grinned at me, his eyes alight. The man was the consummate athlete, and got a little sulky if he wasn't constantly achieving some great physical feat.

I on the other hand, wasn't.

I wasn't the most coordinated person. Well, actually I wasn't coordinated at all. And I was pretty much a danger not only to myself, but anyone within the immediate vicinity when wielding any form of sports equipment.

Out of pure caution, and a bad experience, I fucking refused to touch a baseball bat.

But with one look in those giant puppy dog eyes of his, I caved.

He was a big enough and tough enough man that he probably wouldn't get too hurt playing a game of ball with me. And would probably would be able to keep me from physically injuring myself as well.

He raised an eyebrow and further pleaded with a throaty "Hmmmmmm…?"

I sighed.

"Okay." I said quickly before I could change my mind and insult his feelings.

"Yes!" he boomed, draping a large arm over my shoulders and escorting toward the door out to the asphalt courts. "Better bring you're a-game Swan."

"Trust me, that's not much." I said, truthfully.

He boomed a large throaty laugh and opened the large double doors.

"Come on." he said encouragingly.

True to my word, and complete lack of ability, I sucked.

"Aww come on, Swany. You got it!" he said.

I bounced the ball a few times, watching it bounce entirely to high before pawing it back down too hard. I walked to just under the basket, bracing my hands beneath the ball and squinting in concentration as I lined up a shot.

I was going to miss.

"You got it." he said again, a little quieter.

Aww fuck it.

I went for it. Throwing the ball as hard and as straight as I could.

It bounced off the backboard, landing on the tip of the rim and bouncing back and forth at least ten times.

Emmett stood stalk still, his eyes wide and trained on the ball. As were mine. Hell, at least I had gotten the ball remotely close, let alone touching the rim. I was more than pleasantly surprised with that.

The ball bounced rapidly, coming closer and closer to the inner lip of the rim.

Holy shit.

It was going to go in.

"Holy shit, that's going in!" Emmett boomed.

The ball came to a rest on the rim, teetering.

It then teetered to the outside of the rim and fell to the ground with a resounding ping, bouncing high into the air.

"Aww, shit." I mumbled.

But Emmett came charging from behind me, grasping the ball as it reached the apex of its bounce and soared toward the basket. Violently slamming it through.

With an almighty and conquering roar, he hung on the rim.

I laughed out loud as he shook the rim and backboard with his massive hands. He dropped one arm and swung to face me.

"See," he said with a huge grin. "It went in."

I grinned back at him and laughed again as he let go and fell to his feet.

"Oh! Shit…" he said, partially raising his right leg. "Damn it!" he breathed.

"What? What is it?" I asked, suddenly concerned and making my way toward him.

"My knee." he dismissed. Straightening with a grimace.

"Ah, I shouldn't have done that." he grunted.

He had once told me of coming to Seattle on a football scholarship with the University of Washington. But a fourth quarter knee injury his Freshman year ended that. Which is why he worked here part time to pay for his education.

"Damn it!" he said, hobbling around. "Damn it, damn it, damn it."

I watched with sympathy as he tried to walk it off.

"Sorry." I said. Of course he would still get injured, in the event of playing a sport with me.

I felt bad. It always ended this way.

"Ah, it's fine." he waved at me. "I just gotta stop pushing it…I'm going to go wrap this up."

" 'Kay." I said tentatively, watching after him as he hobbled off to the double doors.

I picked up the ball with a sigh and all the intention of returning it to its respective cart, then retreating to something a little less dangerous.

"I'll play with you." I heard someone say.

I turned to see a tall and lanky kid walking toward me. He smiled and gestured to the ball in my hands.

"21?" he asked

"What? No, I'm nineteen." I said.

He laughed.

"No, play to twenty-one. Twenty-one points?" he clarified. His dark brown eyes holding mine and awaiting my answer.

"Oh! Oh, um…I'm not very good. At all." I said. "But you can play if you want, I was just about to head in."

"Aww, don't leave me all alone! Like that kid on the playground that no one ever picks." he said with a laugh.

"Seriously, fuckin' I suck." I added, looking to spare him my embarrassment and his eventual pain.

"Oh, come on…. You can't be that bad." he said. "I'm Embry."

He held out his hand for me, and I shook it politely.

"Bella." I said.

"Bella." he said with a smile and nodding. "You take the first shot, your ball."

He backed away slightly and leaning forward, his knees bent.

I regarded him cynically.

"Come on." he encouraged.

"Alight." I breathed with a shrug and threw the ball.

It sailed high over the rim. And backboard. Landing a good twenty feet behind the basket with a ping and bouncing away.

Embry straightened and watched as it rolled further from us.

"Wow." he said dryly. "You do suck."

He looked at me, a smile on his lips. "Good distance, though."

I laughed again. It did go pretty far…

"I'll get it." he said, lithely jogging after the ball.

We spent a good half hour out there. I would get fairly close, but I always had to stand practically under the hoop to get an accurate enough shot. By the time we called it quits, Embry and I stood at 34 and 10 respectively.

I couldn't believe it myself.

"Told you you'd do fine." he said, nudging me in the shoulder.

"You did not, you said I sucked." I retorted.

"Well, after that. I said you'd do fine and you did." he smiled.

"Bull-shit." I said.

He laughed again.

"So what are you in for?" I asked casually.

"In for?" he asked.

We made our way to the sofas. He picked up an out of date edition of People.

"Yeah, what's the prognosis?"

He looked down and shifted uncomfortably.

Wonderful tact, Swan. You just met the guy, way to go for the personal stuff.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just asked, that's rude of me." I backtracked.

"No, no, it's okay." he said, spotting my self-berating. "I uh…suffer from delusions."

I nodded.

"So do I." I said empathetically. "I see people and things that aren't there."

He smiled slightly. "That sucks."

"Yes it does." I confirmed.

He picked at the knee of his jeans for a moment.

"I, uh…I become convinced that I'm a werewolf…" he said quietly, peering at me from under his lashes.

Beyond my control, my eyebrows peaked.

"A werewolf?" I asked.

A nervous laugh escaped him. "Yeah…I go a little wacko. Thinking I'm transforming…running around with an imaginary pack."

I just nodded, listening to him. Far be it from me to judge someone and the things they thought they saw.

"It's stupid…" he said, shaking his head and shifting in his seat again.

"No it isn't…" I offered quietly. I felt bad for having made him uncomfortable. I knew what it felt like, knowing you were crazy. I could relate. "It isn't."

He peeked from under his lashes again, returning to the loose thread at his knee.

"I can hear them calling to me at night…." he said, his eyes far away.

I nodded slowly still, watching him and knowing what he was talking about. I could feel my eyebrows creasing with sympathy.

"But that's why I'm here." he said, coming back to the present. "Workin' on it."

I smiled at him and saw him relax again, opening the magazine on his lap.

I sat with Embry at lunch. We talked about less complicated and lighter things. He was from Arizona, he had moved up here with his parents when he was thirteen. His dad was a dentist and mom a teacher. No wonder his teeth were so straight…and white. Damn, look at those things.

I told him about Charlie and my Mom, but I didn't share the fact she was deceased. We were sticking to the lighter things for now. I also told him how much I loathed Dr. Detczkof. To which he wasn't very surprised.

At one o'clock, we split up to receive our medication and then trudge off to our session time. It was only Tuesday, so I had not one, but two more sessions with that horrid bitch before I met with Dr. Whitlock. I didn't know him, I hadn't heard about him from anyone yet. But I'd bet my shoes he was infinitely better than the heartless cow I dealt with now.

"Miss…Swan." I heard.

A tall male nurse stopped in front of me, reading from a list of patients and handing me a tiny paper cup with a couple of pills that jangled around in it.

"That's me." I said, accepting the cup.

As I brought it up to my lips and threw my head back, I looked up to see who the nurse was this time.

It was magazine in the pants man.

My eyes widened just as the pills hit the back of my throat, causing me to choke.

"Whoa! Slow down there!" he said, clapping me on the back.

I gagged and coughed, but one of the pills was lodged just beyond my tongue, on the verge of slipping down into my throat.

With a loud whack, Mr. lovely-ass-scrub-pants knocked it free.

Of course, it shot out about ten feet and bounced on the floor like a red tic-tac before sliding under a table.

Good distance…

"You okay?" I heard him ask.

I looked up at him through blurry eyes, as choking induced tears had sprung up.

"Uh-huh." I breathed before a fit of coughs racked me.

He chuckled low and throaty as his hand continued to gently pat my back and then rub small, smooth circles.

"Here." he said.

He handed me another paper cup, slightly bigger than the last but containing water.

I sipped it carefully as the last of the coughs jolted me.

"I'll just go refill your prescription, I'll be right back." he said softly.

I watched as he rounded the corner, returning only a few seconds later with another tiny cup of pills and cup of water.

"Here you go…" he said handing them both to me. "And take it easy this time."

I looked up to see him smiling at me, one corner of his lips pulled higher than the other. Setting a single dimple in his cheek.

"Thanks…"

Fantastic! First I act like a total bitch in front of him, and now I'm spitting pills everywhere. Smooth….

I took the pills, careful not to choke on them this time. After they were safely consumed, I looked back to him.

"Better?" he asked, the smile still on his lips.

"Yep." I said.

With a nod, his smile deepened and he collected the tray of pills and patient list.

"Alright." he said warmly.

As he turned to move on to the others, my mind spurted. I didn't want him to leave just yet. And for God's sake I wanted to say more than one word at a time to him! And without embarrassing the shit out of myself.

"Uh…hey!" I called out.

He turned to face me again.

"Yes?"

"…What's your name?" I asked lamely.

"Edward." he replied. In that lovely, calm voice of his.

Edward.

What a nice name….

"Thanks, Edward." I said.

He smiled again. "You're welcome Miss Swan."

He turned again to continue administering medication to everyone.

I walked to Detczkof's office, thinking of my latest encounter with my favorite male nurse, Edward. His eyes were so kind. A pale shade of green against his fair skin. He had smiled at me….

After you choked on a pill.

The good feeling that was surging through me soured at the embarrassing memory.

Shit.

"Ah, Bella. Come in." I heard.

My head snapped up and I realized I was standing in the doorway of Dr. Irina's office. She was sitting behind her desk, her glasses at the edge of her nose as she leaned over notes.

The good feeling left entirely.

"Detczkof." I acknowledged, with a curt nod in her direction.

"Please Bella, call me Irina." she said.

"No thanks." I said breathily as I took my seat. "So, what do you want to over-examine today?"

After two hours of beating a dead horse with 'Irina', I was out of patience and tolerance for her. I left before the end of our allotted time again, but at least I had shown up.

I had made the decision do what I can to better myself. Work with the treatment and therapy rather than dismiss it outright. But I wasn't going to give her much. I was biding my time until I met this Whitlock guy. Then I'd give it my all. But for the last 'four' hours I would have to spend with that bitch, I was holding out.

Dinner was exceptional yet again. Baked peppered chicken, fresh green beans, seasoned potatoes and French bread. Before I had finished with my plate, Emmett scooted by, dropping a small plate of chocolate cake in front of me.

"_Bring_ me some chocolate….pfft!" he snorted.

I narrowed my eyes at the plate before turning them on him, smirking.

"Thanks McCarty." I cooed.

"You're welcome!" he called over his shoulder.

I saw Embry over by the rec space. He was sitting at a chess board, setting up the pieces and waving me over.

"Ever play?" he asked when I plopped on the couch across from him.

"A little, my gran and I played a few times when I was younger." I told him.

We played a few games, but I couldn't remember all the rules and Embry just didn't know them. It was fun with him, he was easy to talk to. And we seemed to have plenty in common. Similar tastes in music, movies. But he denounced my tastes in literature.

"Wuthering Heights? Egh, no." he said, moving a pawn.

"What? That's a classic!" I defended.

"It's depressing is what it is." he said. "They're both horrible people. They love each other, but they hate each other? We had to read that in class once, I wanted to shoot myself."

"Ah….don't say that so loud here." he cautioned quietly.

"Oh…yeah, right. Got it." he said looking around with a grin.

I did the same.

And there he was, speaking quietly with someone across the room. He was watching me. When our eyes met, I turned away quickly. Trying in vein to refocus on the game.

"Who's that?" Embry asked, nodding in Edwards direction.

"Hmm? Oh, I don't know." I said too quickly. Not exactly casual.

Embry smiled, moving a piece on the board, taking my rook on the back line.

"King me!" he shouted.

"That's checkers." I laughed.

He shrugged. "Same difference."

That night I found Jessica packing a large suit case.

"Hey…" I said, pausing in the doorway.

"Hey!" she said over her shoulder. "Just getting all my stuff ready, my parents will be here in the morning."

"Feel like I've got a million things to do, you know?" she asked excitedly.

I made my way over to my side of the room and sat on the edge of my bed as she continued to talk animatedly.

"Oh my God, I am so totally going shopping when I get home…and then watch like a million hours of Gossip Girl." she exclaimed.

She turned in place, holding her hands in front of her and smiling widely at me.

"I'm so excited. Ugh! It's been like…being away at a bording school or something. With _no_ hot guys."

She turned back and began removing the many photos taped to her wall.

"This time tomorrow, I will be in a hot tub and a fifth daiquiri in hand…"

"That's great, Jess." I said quietly.

She paused, and turned to me again.

"You okay?" she asked, her pouty face emerging.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I dismissed. "I'm just, really happy for you."

She smiled again and returned to the photographs in her hand. She paused, seeing the one on top.

"Dr. Garrett said that my ex Mike was a bad influence. That he triggered some of my episodes by putting me in an unhealthy emotional environment." she said, singling out a picture of a young man with blond hair and a thick neck.

"He says it's contradictory to my treatment to keep going back to him…we'd break up…he'd say he was sorry and do a million nice things for me…but he'd always treat me like shit in the end." she said quietly.

Of all the times she had spoken of Mike, calling him and asshole or singing his praises, she had never mentioned just how bad it had been.

"He cheats on me you know." she said to me, flashing his picture. "….Yeah, that's done."

She looked at the picture once more before crumpling it up and discarding it on the floor.

I felt bad for her for having to have known someone like Mike, let alone date him for so long. But damn, she did not expect me to pick that up did she? Christ, the trash can was three steps away.

"Anyway. I am out of here, I'm single and I am going to throw a party with like, a ton of hot guys." she giggled.

I smiled at her and laughed.

I listened to her content snores again that night. Oddly enough, I'd miss them. I hoped that she did well when she left here. I hoped that she did have a big party. And hoped there were a ton of 'like totally hot guys.'

I peered at her bags by the door and smiled to myself.

"Wish you all the best…." I whispered. Letting sleep take me, and finding myself running through a sunny field, my mother holding a giant bouquet of wild flowers and a tall man with kind eyes smiling at me.

**A/N: You dump that cheating bastard Jessica! And just for you my dear readers….Jessica does throw a totally awesome party when she gets home. With plenty of daiquiris and hot guys.…She'll be just fine. **

**And Mike? Mike starts balding at 25. **

**Chapter 3 is on its way, don't worry.**

**And there will be more Edward! I promise! He just has a busy schedule is all, and soon you'll know why. **

**Keep the feedback a' comin! I love hearing from you guys, so don't be shy now. Hope everyone in the States had a great Thanksgiving, and hope everyone else had a great day! Stay safe out there my lovies, and drop me a review. Love ya!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I just own this adaptation.**

**A/N: It has been a while my dear lovies, but I've been happily swamped at work. I love my job…. Anyhoo, I've been trying to get at chapter 3. And I finally made it. Just for you. So enjoy! **

**Just a recap: Bella's in a psych ward, Emmett's an orderly and former linebacker for the UW Huskies, Jessica's taking life by the balls, there's a hot/nice/hunky/sweet/fucking hot male nurse named Edward, we've hardly seen Alice, Jacob and Charlie are going to visit, and Bella only has ONE session left with Irina. **

**Let's dig in.**

**Chapter songs: If You Want My Love by Cheap Trick, Sour Girl by Stone Temple Pilots **

**~and~ **

**Breaking the Girl by Red Hot Chili Peppers**

CHAPTER 3: GOODBYES, HELLO AGAINS AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOUS? 

I woke up to find the room void of Jessica's snores.

Her bags were still at the door, packed and waiting. But she was nowhere in sight. There was a soft knock on the door before it gently creaked open.

It must have been wake up time.

A nurse would make the rounds at seven to wake up the patients for the day.

A nurse.

My eyes leapt up to roughly the height of the person I was expecting to enter. I drew a long, shallow breath. Waiting. My eyes were trained at the spot of the door frame that I expected to see soft waves of bronze hair emerge.

But something dark caught my eye.

A couple of feet lower than where I was looking, a head of soft black hair peeked through the opening. A young female nurse tentatively leaned in the doorway. I knew who she was, and when her eyes met mine, her reactions confirmed it.

Nurse Webber.

Angela.

The nice young nurse I had snapped at last week for no reason.

Well, there was a very good reason, but it wasn't her fault.

As her eyes met mine, I saw them dim a little and her face fell.

Crap.

I did that. I chewed her out without warrant. And never apologized….

"Miss Swan?" she said quietly, but firmly. "It's time to get up."

"Yeah…"

I kicked the blankets down and swung my legs over the side, taking a minute to let my body wake up.

Angela had nodded silently and had begun to retreat from sight, pulling the door closed with her.

"Angela?"

The door stopped, pausing in its motion before opening slightly again.

"Yes, Miss Swan." She said, poking her head in once more. Her voice was slightly curt.

Shit.

"I'm sorry… for the other day." I said quietly. "I yelled at you…and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

Angela's eyes held mine for a second before she nodded again.

It was just a nod, but it wasn't as stiff as before. And there was something in her eyes that lightened.

Breakfast wasn't as great this morning. The eggs didn't look so appetizing, there was a large rectangular pan filled with them. Fucking hell, it must have been at least three feet long and several inches thick, of nothing but solid egg. And it looked rubbery and sponge like, so I passed.

There was also a pan of burnt sausage and some oatmeal and grapefruit halves. I decided on the latter.

I didn't see Embry anywhere, and I didn't see _him _either. My eyes slowly searched the room as I ate my oatmeal and rasins, but I kept coming up empty. There was the usual crowd. The dazed droolers, the mumblers, the twitchy ones and the catatonic. Then there were those who looked as though they had no business being here at all. But no Edward. My eyes continued to roam fruitlessly before they fell on a small, caramel pair staring back into mine- _Jesus! _

I jumped a little when I realized who the eyes belonged to. The overly enthusiastic and entirely too cheerful girl known as Alice.

Her smile grew wide and terrifyingly excited and she nearly bounced in her seat as she waved me over.

I'd…rather not.

For some reason, I got the image of her tackling me in a hug if I did.

So I gestured to my steamy bowl of breakfast and declined silently. I returned to my meal and resumed scowering the room. But again, I found no one I really wanted to see.

The Alice girl stood from her seat. I kept my eyes away from her general direction, figuring she had finished her breakfast and not wanting to draw her attention. But from the corner of my eye I could see her form making its way toward me.

Oh God.

My eyes snapped over to see just where she was heading, but she was already seated next to me.

…the fuck!

"What the fuck!"

She sat with her hands folded in her lap, her lips taught as she fought another large smile.

"How did you…?"

I looked from where she had been seated across the room to where she was now. How the hell did she get over here so fast?

"Hi, I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Alice, Alice Brandon. Well, _Mary_ Alice Brandon, but I prefer Alice." she said.

She held her hand out to me.

I stared at it and back to her beaming, caramel colored eyes.

Without really thinking, I took it and shook it accordingly.

"Bella…" I said.

"I know." she smiled. "Bella Swan. I've noticed you around, but I feel like I haven't really ever gotten the chance to talk to you. But there's plenty of time for that…"

All I could do was blink…Good God, she talked fast.

"We'll be the bestest of friends soon enough! What with being roomies and all-"

"Roomies?" I cut her off, suddenly breaking out of the trance her rapid speech had induced.

"Yep." she said, leaning back in her chair and folding her legs under her. "Your roommate has left, hasn't she?"

"Not…yet." I said, slightly shocked. "Today, she's leaving. But…she isn't gone _yet._"

"Oh, that's right." she said to herself and staring off into nothing.

"Well!" she said, bouncing and returning to the present. "You'll have room to rent then! I'll move my things over this afternoon."

She smiled warmly and sprung from her seat, twinkling her fingers at me as she waved goodbye. "See you later!"

"I- what? No… No!" I spurted.

But she was already gone. My head swiveled around, my eyes roaming the large room only once again, to not find who I was looking for.

Sweet Jesus, what the hell was going on? Who the fuck does this chick think she is? And where the _hell _is Jessica?

I found myself walking through the large double doors and out to the basketball courts, trying to wrap my mind around just what the fuck just happened.

What the fuck _did _just happen?

"Hey!"

My head snapped up.

"Bella." I heard him say. "There you are!"

I turned to see Embry beaming at me from under the basketball hoops, a ball bouncing effortlessly from hand to hand.

It distracted me enough, seeing him. I could feel my blood pressure leveling out and my mood calming slightly, but my mind was still a mess.

"I've been looking all over for you!" he said.

"All over? I've been looking for you!" I shouted back. "And if you'd really been looking you would have thought to look in the cafeteria seeing as how it's breakfast time."

"Shit, the one place I didn't look…." he said, his brow creasing mockingly.

"Oh, shut up…" I said with a laugh as I made my way to him.

He chuckled low and deep, carelessly tossing the ball in my direction. But I misjudged the bounce and ended up kicking it away instead of catching it. We both watched as it skipped into the grass and rolled away.

"Well." He said after a while. "Maybe not basketball today."

He laughed again and turned to me.

"Hey… you alright?"

"I'm fine." I said dismissively.

"Alright…well, what do you want to do?" he asked. "Hey, it's your last session with Detczkof today! We should celebrate!"

"Hmm. I'll celebrate when it's done. My luck, we'd celebrate early only to learn poor Dr. Whitlock broke his leg in a skiing accident or something and I'd be stuck with her."

"Yeah…that probably would happen." he agreed cheekily. "But really now, we should celebrate later."

We spent the morning together, talking of things we wanted to do back home and wondering what new music or movies had come out recently. Embry had an extensive and diverse taste in music. Some of his favorites were bands and songs I had never even heard of. Granted, I was no connoisseur.

"You've never heard of Joy Division?" he asked at the lunch table. "You are seriously missing out….How can you never of heard them?"

I shrugged, stabbing more steamed carrots with my fork and popping them into my mouth.

"You've probably heard them before and just don't remember." he added pensively. "Everyone's heard of Joy Division."

"You're not hungry?" I asked as I took another nibble of a particularly large bit of carrot.

"Nah…I'll pick something up. Maybe grab one of the rolls before I head off to my session." he dismissed.

His eyebrows raised slightly as a small smile began to light his features. "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready to be done with this." I said, thinking of my last meeting with Detczkof that was only a half an hour away. "I don't know anything about this Whitlock guy though…I guess anyone's better than her."

"Well, regardless, this is the end of her bullshit. I'm sure his will be whole different kind of bullshit." Embry said with a smile.

"Special bullshit?"

"Special bullshit." he confirmed.

I bid Embry goodbye when I left to meet with the Commie just one more time. As my feet carried me down the hall to her office, I wondered how long our last session would last, and immediately began taking a pool in my head at just what hour and minute I'd leave.

Zero hours fifteen minutes?

No, come on. You can hold out for longer than that…

But do I really have to?

Oh…that is a valid point.

You should. Just for the principle of it all. Show that you aren't a bratty child throwing a temper tantrum just because you don't like something…

I'm not a child! I'm nineteen for fuck's sake…I've legally been an adult for two years.

Prove it.

Zero hours, forty-five minutes?

You're last few sessions have lasted much longer.

How long?

Two hours twenty-three minutes.

Shit….Alright. Two hours, twenty-four minutes?

You've got yourself a deal.

Right on, let's get this over with.

I took a deep breath and braced myself as I stood in front of the door to Dr. Detczkof's office. Her name loomed in large black and gold letters stuck to the frosted glass.

_Bring it bitch._

I pushed through.

"Ah, Bella. Do come in." she said, standing and gesturing to the chair in front of her desk.

Zero hours, zero minutes, four seconds….

Fuck.

"How have you been?" she asked, the same plastic smile pasted carefully on her face.

"You mean since yesterday?"

"Yes, of course. Any new developments? Any delusions?" she asked, looking over a pad of paper.

Twenty seconds.

Fuck a duck.

"Well, you see that's the thing about delusions…the person having them believes it to be truth. So…I couldn't honestly tell you yes or no. Because I wouldn't know." I said sarcastically.

"Well given your discovered delusions, which you _would_ be able to recognize, have you noticed any?" she added. "For instance, your mother."

I could feel my blood begin to boil.

"What about my mother?" I asked, through mostly closed teeth.

Carefull…if you don't keep your calm, you won't make your time mark.

"You've seen her in the past…have you seen her recently?" she elaborated.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm.

It wasn't without difficulty.

And truthfully, I hadn't seen her in the time span between yesterday's session and now, which was the line of questioning the useless PhD in front of me had proposed.

"Nope." I said, popping the 'p'.

"Hmm…" she began scratching away at her paper.

Zero hours, four minutes.

Deep breath.

"Bella, what do you hope to accomplish here at West Seattle?" she asked, finally looking up from her paper and holding my eyes.

"I… want to get better." I said, as if that would have been obvious.

"Yes, of course. But what do you hope to _accomplish?_" she said again. With emphasis.

"I…I'm not sure what you're asking."

"What do you want out of life, Bella?" she asked me.

And for once, she didn't seem to have the usual false mask of caring. For once, she seemed genuinely interested in _me_. Not just some pointless textbook method.

"Well…" I muttered astonished. "I want a lot of things."

"Don't we all." she said. "But what's important? What's meaningful to you that you want in life?"

Well.

I don't know where the hell this all is coming from, but shit…what did I want?

Zero hours, fifteen minutes.

"I don't know…" I said honestly.

Detczkof nodded again and hummed.

"You want to get better. But why? What's your driving force? What is there down the road you want to reach? Something worth overcoming your illness to find?" she asked, her eyes creased behind her square glasses.

Again, what did I want?

"Well….my 'illness'…seems to be detrimental to my physical wellbeing at times….So, I don't know. I'd like to see thirty without getting myself killed."

I thought about the times I had woken to find Charlie on the phone with doctors, whispering quickly about finding me in the middle of the street, not being responsive to him…. The times I would find him shaking my shoulders and shouting at me to wake up… the times he lost sleep worrying about me…the money he spent for my treatment and the long hours he worked to cover it.

I wanted to see thirty.

I wanted to see thirty with my dad not having to worry about me, without having to take care of me. Without having to lose sleep over the burden my 'illness' placed on him…I wanted to get better for my father.

"My Dad." I said.

"Your Dad?"

I nodded slowly. "I want to get better for my Dad."

I looked up to see her viewing me thoughtfully.

"That's a good reason." she said quietly.

"Bella, I know that this is our last session and that tomorrow you will be transferring over to Dr. Whitlock's care. I will, of course, disclose all my notes and recommendations to him…I want you to know that you can come to me anytime." she said.

And again, there was an odd (eerie, in fact) sense of sincerity in not just her words but her face as well. In her eyes.

It was a little unnerving. And though I knew I would never find the desire to come talk to her again, I couldn't help but be swayed by her sudden change in demeanor.

"Okay…."

She smiled kindly from behind her desk and returned to her pad of legal paper propped up on her lap.

"Now." she said clicking her pen open. "Being that it is your last session, the topic today will be your choice. Anything at all that you would like to speak about or discuss is up to you. So, what you like to talk about?"

What would I like to talk about?

What would I like to say? To _you_? Ha!

Zero hours, thirty-two minutes.

An image of me standing, giving her the middle finger and leaving melded into an alternate vision of me chewing her out. Saying every foul thing I could imagine to covey my disdain for her over the past couple of months.

But then I was still so confounded by her sudden change in behavior, by her sudden showing of human emotion and feeling…. Where the fuck did any of this come from?

Maybe she isn't so bad…

Oh, shut the fuck up mind. You can't honestly tell me she hasn't been a total bitch this whole time.

Not saying she hasn't been…just that maybe she does care. Has cared this entire time and that maybe, just maybe you've been to riled up to notice.

Really? Really mind? I'm the blind one here?

Perhaps both of you just rub each other the wrong way… it doesn't mean she isn't human. Or that she's heartless.

I looked up to see her viewing me over the rim of her glasses, awaiting my answer.

Why am I having a debate with myself over this? And why the hell am I referring to my own thoughts as 'mind'? As if it's a separate entity.

Christ…I am jack nuts.

She was still waiting.

I took a deep breath, and racked my brain for a topic. Any topic.

Zero hours, forty-five minutes.

"My roommate is leaving today." I said. "And I haven't seen her all day…Hell, I don't even know if she's left yet. But…I hope I see her before she does."

Detczkof nodded. "Jessica Stanley?"

"Yeah… I was never…I never really cared for her much. But, I don't know…I guess, I'm happy for her…"

Dr. Detczkof listened to me explain and recount my time here with Jessica. How she annoyed me to no end with her incessant babbling. Her shallow, self absorbed ramblings about nothing paramount. How her loud snoring kept me up at night and how I would have killed for ear plugs or just wanted to beat her with my pillow. I told her of how very much I hoped Jessica would be okay out there, that she would remain healthy. And that she got the chance to live a normal, happy life.

"She does deserve it." I said. "She isn't a bad person… a little conceited, but not bad."

Detczkof's chin rested on her hand as she took in my words and thought on them.

"Do you think your desire for her success is in a way tied to your own hopes for success? Being that you were both diagnosed with the same illness?" she asked quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Being that she has a similar case of schizophrenia, do you relate her success with your own? In that, you wish for her success for her sake and also in the hope that you too with find the same?" she elaborated.

Again, as usual, as standard Detczkof, she was reading too much into one statement. Exhaustingly probing one point and over examining it.

But for the sake of this being the last time, I entertained her train of thought.

And perhaps she was right.

Holly fucking shit. Maybe she was right. It's not a completely important or key observation, but valid none the less…

"I suppose, in a small way, I do correlate my own success with hers…Like if she can do it, if she can get better and stay better… maybe there's a small shred of hope that I can too…"

My own voice sounded so small in my ears, so fragile.

I looked up to see the same look of genuine interest in Irina's eyes.

"Hmm." she breathed.

With a quick glance to her right, her eyes came back to mine with kindness and a small, sincere smile touched her lips.

"Well, Bella. Our time is up." she said.

I looked over to the clock that rested on side table by the door. It was four o'clock in the afternoon.

Four hours, eleven minutes.

Wow.

I have to say, I really didn't see us lasting that long….Wow.

I looked back to Dr. Detczkof and stood. She mirrored my movements and held out her hand to me. Still lost in the haze of her unveiled humanity, I took it and shook it politely.

"I wish you all the best, Bella." she said.

"You too…" I mumbled.

She laughed under her breath. "Thanks."

"Um…I, well, I guess I'll see you around?"

"Of course." she said.

"Alright then…take care."

"Goodbye, Bella." she said with a bow of her head.

"Bye…Irina."

Her eyes lit up for a moment as her smile reached them.

I wouldn't stop by to talk to her about anything to do with my treatment….but maybe I'd stop by?

Just say hi?

I left her office, still thrown by the reversal of my opinion of her. What the hell was going on today?

Down the hall, Embry stood with his hands shoved in his pockets and dragging his toes of his shoes along the waxed flooring as he paced. He looked up at the sound of my approach, with a smile to greet me.

"Haha! So? How does it feel?" he laughed out loud. "How's it feel to be free of the ol' iron curtain?"

I looked up at him, still too puzzled by the experience of the past four hours to really explain.

"What?" his brow creased slightly and concern began to seep into his eyes. "What is it?"

"I don't know…" breathed.

"Why were you in there so long? ….Good God, did the woman torture you or something?" he asked.

"No…we just…talked." I said plainly.

His eyes showed confusion.

"Bella?" I heard down the hall, in a familiarly deep voice.

Emmett.

I turned to see him walking toward me from the other end of the hallway, he walked with the slightest limp.

"Hey, McCarty." I called out to him.

"I'll see you later." Embry said, bring my attention back to him.

"Oh, okay."

"We're gonna celebrate." he said, pointing at me as he walked backward. He rounded the corner and was gone.

I smiled to myself.

I was lucky to have Embry. It was good to have a friend in this place, being so far from home…. And oddly enough, Embry felt like home. He had a way about him that just made me relax. It was easy with him…

Still smiling, I turned and looked up into Emmett's face as he approached. His brow was creased as well. What is it with people today?

"You alright?" he asked, with a little trepidation.

"Yeah…why?"

His brow relaxed and he shook his head dismissively. "Nothing."

"How's that knee?" I asked. Feeling a little guilt.

"Ah, it's fine." he said, his chest puffing out slightly.

Emmett walked with me on the way to the dinner hall, telling me about his class load this semester. Before his injury, Emmett had elected to enroll himself in only the most basic and noncommittal classes he could find. He had no desire to declare a major, he was only focused on football. That was his job.

But when that was ended, he decided he would need to make something of himself, and discovered a new passion. Emmett was currently an undergrad at U Dub with a major in sports medicine.

He wasn't one for studying or tests, but with this, with something he loved, he found a way to make it work.

"Look at you…my big tough guy, burning the midnight oil and hittin' the books." I said, nudging him with my elbow.

"Yeah, yeah…so your dad's coming up this weekend?" he asked.

"Yep. He and my buddy Jake."

"You excited?" he asked, inclining his head to me and looking at me under his lashes.

"Yes."

And I was. I had missed them both. It felt like it had been longer than three weeks since I'd last seen Charlie. And I wondered how long it felt for him.

"Well, I'll see you this weekend too. Well, Saturday. Sunday's my only day off in the week." Emmett said.

"Alright."

We passed by the staircase that took me down to my room and I remembered Jessica's luggage being at the door this morning. It was after four…maybe I could still catch her.

"Emmett, I'm going to stop by my room before dinner. I'll see you later?"

"Sure." he nodded.

I skipped down the steps, two at a time. Until the toe of my shoe caught and I nearly broke my ankle. I decided one at a time would suffice. Once the staircase had been safely navigated, I walked as quickly as I could with out presenting a danger, down to our door.

It was closed, and quiet.

I pushed through it, flying into the room and immediately searching her side of the room.

It looked so empty and bare without her collage of photos and clutter of belongings. Her bags were gone, and all that was left was a single piece of paper, folded over and resting on the pillow of her bed.

I walked forward and reached out to it.

In very large, lowercase script, I saw my name written on the front.

_**bella,**_

_**hey girl! so sorry i didn't get to say goodbye. the rents showed up early this morning and we went through the whole check out process. took for freaking ever! oh my God, i can't even tell you how boring it was. but I wanted to say bye and that i'll miss you. like really. take care of yourself girl and look me up on the outside! see you around chicka. **_

_**lots of love!**_

_**Jess**_

I sat on the edge of her bed and read the note over again before letting me fall from my fingers. I'd missed her.

But somewhere out in the city of Seattle, Jessica was downing a fifth, or hopefully sixth, daiquiri and hot tubbing with a ton of hot guys. I smiled at the thought.

"Take care, Jess." I whispered.

After a solitary dinner, I waited for Embry by the chess board. But he was nowhere in sight. At eight, I knocked over the white queen and discarded her to the pile of black and white pieces I had randomly condemned to death.

Tired, I made my way back to my room. It would be too quiet tonight without Jessica's loud snores to fill the room. It was strange how I had hated them so much not too long ago, but now missed them.

I entered my room, expecting the empty silence I had found earlier.

But there was something different.

My eyes flashed over to Jessica's side of the room to find it completely decorated and furnished.

What the fuck?

A sound came from the bathroom, someone was in there. I moved quietly to the door, took a shallow breath and swung it wide open.

A high pitched scream split my eardrums and caused me to flinch backward as a hailstorm of cotton balls rained down on me.

"Holy fuck!" I shouted in surprise.

I looked up to see Alice with her eyes wide and her hand clamped over her mouth.

She gasped loudly and began to laugh.

"Oh my God, Bella! Haha, you scared the bejesus out of me!" she said.

I stared at her, still frozen in my shocked form.

There was a new mass of belongings piled on the sink counter and stuffed in half opened drawers. Make up cases and oils and creams now lined Jessica's side of the bathroom. That is a lot of stuff…

My eyes raked over it all, soaking in the change before resting back on the person responsible.

Who. The _fuck. _Did she think she was?

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

The smile receded from Alice's eyes and lips, falling to confusion and hurt.

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

I moved passed her and looked at her many belongings cluttering up Jessica's area. How is it that she could have this much crap? Jessica didn't even have this much. And she had a lot….

I began grabbing handfuls of it all and cradling them in my arms.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I heard her ask.

Without a word, and bottles and containers falling from my arms, I pushed past her again and dumped her pile onto her bed where one of her bags lay.

"Get out."

"Bella…" she sounded, her voice was so quiet. Her eyes were confused.

"Get out! This is Jessica's bed, and that's Jessica's side of the bathroom, not yours!" I shouted at her.

"Bella, Jessica's gone." she said gently. "She left today."

"I know that." I said automatically. "But…Christ, she only left today! Her bed isn't even cold yet and you've just moved on in! Who the fuck do you think you are, huh? Just moving in without _anyone's_ permission!"

"She did." Alice said, barely audible.

I stared at her in confusion for a moment.

"What?"

"Jessica gave me permission…we were talking about her leaving soon one day at lunch and she said I should move in….keep you company." she said quietly.

Her small frame stood dejected in front of me, her fingers gingerly intertwining and releasing.

I watched her quietly, taking in her words and what they meant.

"You knew Jessica?" I asked, my voice at a considerably quieter volume.

"Of course…" she said. "I've been here just as long as she has…we always had lunch together."

Aww fuck….

Her fingers continued to wind around themselves before she slowly moved to her bedside and began putting her things in the bag that lay there.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered. "I didn't mean to impose."

Damn it…I had done it again. I had completely blitzed out on someone for the second time this week and made them hurt.

I felt like an asshole.

"Alice…" I breathed.

My hand reached out to pause her movements and touched her arm to have her face me.

She kept her eyes downcast, but it was easy to see. They were filled with tears.

"Oh, Alice…I'm sorry."

"It's alright." she said, shaking her head slightly. Causing a droplet of her tears to shake loose from her lashes and fall to her cheek.

She quickly swatted it away.

Fuck…. I am an asshole.

"No…I'm sorry. I didn't realize… I didn't even know you knew Jessica, let alone were friends with her."

Alice's caramel eyes met mine. And a thought occurred to me. I remembered the note Jess had left me, and the fact I didn't get to see her leave.

"Did you get to say goodbye to her?" I asked gently.

A small smile began to light her face and gently banish away the hurt that filled her eyes.

"I did." she said with a nod. "I met her parents this morning and walked out to their car with her."

I smiled at her, imagining the scene in my head as she spoke.

I turned to her bag and slowly began filling my arms once again with her many compacts, oils and lotions. With a smile, I turned back to her.

"Where do you want these?"

Her eyes flickered from her belongings back to my eyes, and smiled.

We spent the rest of the evening unpacking her things and arranging them in her space. At ten, we gave up and decided to leave the final touches for the next day.

Among her things, there was a mass of fashion magazines. One in particular that I recognized. I had seen it once before on the day it was given to her. Pulled from the safe hiding place of a waistband, Edward had gotten it for her.

That night, I found myself drifting to an easy sleep. Just as it took me, the softest, most gentle snores floated to my ears. Mingling themselves into images of pale green eyes, tufts of soft bronze hair and slipping waistbands.

The next morning, Angela gently nudged my shoulder and woke me with a smile. Alice was equally energetic and cheery early in the morning as I had seen her at any other point in the day.

She was pleasant though, and I had to smile to myself with her presence. Despite the slight drawback of her taking forever in the bathroom, I was glad to have her company. I thought back to Jessica's suggestion to her to move in. To keep me company… thanks Jess.

We ate breakfast together.

Again, Embry was nowhere in sight, and neither was Edward.

I began to wonder if Edward only worked part time or if he were simply in a different wing of the hospital. Regardless, I hadn't seen any sign of him since the pill incident. I cringed inwardly at the embarrassing memory. What day was that? Tuesday?

I filled Alice in on my transfer from Dr. Detczkof to Dr. Whitlock and that I was to have my first meeting with him today. Before I could confess my trepidation on meeting him, her eyes lit up dangerously and I could see an enthused outburst quickly approaching.

Incoming.

"You have Dr. Jasper?" she gasped.

"Ye-es…" I edged. Then was promptly jolted by a particularly exuberant squeal.

"Oh my gosh, Bella! So do I!" she exclaimed, beginning to bounce with excitement and grabbing my arm with surprising strength.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about anything." she dismissed with a wave of hand and popping a small spoonful of granola and yogurt into her mouth. "He is _so _nice."

It was an automatic reflex to denounce Irina in comparison, but I caught myself and refrained.

Where did that come from?

She was nice… I mentally shrugged.

Aww look at you… all adult-like and what not.

Shut up, mind.

I listened as Alice practically gushed over our newly shared doctor. I expected to hear most of it when he introduced himself later this afternoon, but Alice filled me in on his background and her own experiences with him.

She knew a surprising amount about him. He was twenty-eight years old, from Austin, Texas. Had attended Texas A&M and moved here a couple of years ago. He had one sister, and both of his parents had passed. He was apparently a Civil War buff, as his office was filled with relics from the era and items issued to both Union and Confederate armies. Including a pistol that had belonged to his great, great grandfather, whom had been a Major in the Texas cavalry.

She assured me he was very kind and very professional. An upstanding sort of gentleman that was seldom seen these days.

"He's _good_ man." she told me with a slight reverence.

After breakfast, I left her to find Embry. Once again, he was lingering on the courts, lithely and effortlessly ushering the ball to a perfect basket from various points on the pavement.

He didn't acknowledge my approach and didn't look at me until I was nearly ten feet away and called out to him.

"Hey." I said. "Didn't see you at breakfast."

He continued to shoot the ball and pounce to wherever it landed.

"I got up early." he said roughly and distant.

His tone and body language alarmed me. Embry was usually so carefree and laid back. I don't think I'd seen him agitated or grumpy yet. But something in the way he ignored me made me think he was mad at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He immediately shook his head, pursing his lips and taking another shot.

"Nothing."

"You seem pissed…" I said as he rushed to the bottom of the hoop to rebound his last.

He traipsed back to a further point on the court and shot again without answering me.

"Hey…" I said, stepping in front of him when he moved to collect the ball once again.

His eyes finally met mine and he halted.

"What's up?" I asked gently.

His eyes turned downcast and his face fell slightly.

"I haven't been sleeping…." he mumbled. " ...I can hear them."

His eyes came to mine again, a little timidly. "I can hear them all the time now, not just at night…they won't leave me alone."

He looked down, and my heart broke.

Oh, Embry….

I could see the toll it was all taking on him. I could see the slight dark circles under his eyes and the hardening effect the stress had taken on his features as well as the mental and emotional toll. It was worrying him, and torturing him. He was hearing the wolves.

"Is that why you haven't been around?" I asked.

He looked away.

"I just needed some time to myself, try to clear my head…that's all." he said.

"Embry…you can always come to me, you know… You can always tell me. You don't have to keep it to yourself." I told him.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

"It's close." he whispered.

"What is?" I asked, craning my neck to catch his eyes.

They met mine with earnest and fear.

"I know it isn't real…I know it isn't, but it doesn't seem like that….I know…" he shook his head to clear it. "But I can feel it coming."

"What?" I whispered.

"They're coming for me again…" he breathed. His voice was small and broken.

I stared into his face and knew what he was referring to. He had told me of his delusions of an imaginary pack of wolves that would come to him, forcing a change in him that made him one of them.

"I know it isn't real…" he said again.

My throat was feeling tight.

"Have you told your doctor about it?"

A small note in the back of my mind told me that I didn't actually know who his doctor was, that he had never mentioned it. But I swatted the thought away and remained focused on my friend.

"Yeah, but…I'm afraid they'll just increase my meds. I've been taking them, but it's been getting worse. They aren't helping." he explained.

"Well, maybe it's just the wrong treatment. If it's not working. Tell your doc."

He sighed again.

"Hey." I said taking his face in my hands. "I won't let them get you."

I smiled at his anxious eyes as they searched mine. I felt his cheeks move in my palms as he smiled in return. I didn't realize how cold it actually was out here. His skin was cold, like it matched the temperature of the air around us.

"Let's get you inside."

I spent the rest of the morning with him, but he left early for his session when lunch came. I saw him snag an apple from the end of the line before he winked and strolled off down the hall.

After I had eaten, I too went off to my own session. My first encounter with Dr. Jasper Whitlock, Civil War expert extraordinaire.

I found his office easily enough. Like Irina's, his door was halved with dark wood and frosted glass.

I knocked lightly and was met with a muffled "Come in."

It was like Alice had said, there were many artifacts from the Civil War. He had a large bookcase that housed leather-bound books on the ends and items from the war in between and lit with soft white light. Including a very old looking, slightly curved sword. A cutlass, I think they were called.

Damn. I guess he really did have a thing for history.

"Hello." he said warmly, standing from his chair and greeting me. "Isabella Swan?"

"Yep, that's me." I said moving to his desk and taking his offered hand.

"Lovely to meet you, Miss Swan." he said with a courteous nod. "May I call you Bella?"

"Uh…sure."

"Very well." he said with a warm, crooked smile. "My name is Jasper Whitlock, you can just call me Jasper if you'd like."

His accent was thick, with heavy r's and a drawl as he pronounced s's.

"Now, Dr. Detczkof has forwarded me all your records and her notes. I have been briefed on your meetings with her and she's caught me up on all the details. We didn't leave anything out." he said. "So I know only as much as has been discussed between you and her so far."

"But…" he said. "I'd like to hear about you from you. I understand you have a father named Charlie?"

"Uh…yes." I said clearing my throat slightly.

"What's he like?"

A small red flag was raised in my mind. Jesus, not a Freudian 'tell me about your muzzer and fawzer' strategy.

Hold on there a minute, Alice said he was good. Don't just write this off just yet.

I sighed mentally at my mind. Damn you patient conscience…

Tell the man.

"Well, he's the chief of police in Forks…that's where I'm from…he uh…he's a good man." I said. "He's coming up on Saturday, with my friend Jacob."

Japer's eyebrows lifted and he inclined his head in my direction as it rested on his hand.

"That's wonderful!" he said.

"Yeah." I said, looking at my fingers as I picked at each nail and smiled. "He doesn't get to come up too often because of work and the drive time."

"I imagine being the chief of police can be pretty time consuming." he said.

I nodded in agreement.

"He has a lot of late nights. Things come up that he has to work on. Sometimes he'll have to go assist other counties and gets back late only to be back there in the morning."

"Why doesn't he just stay there for the night?"

"He wants to be home. To see me." I said quietly.

Jasper smiled. "He sounds like good father."

"He is." I confirmed.

After a moment of comfortable silence. Jasper asked me another question. About my mother this time.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." he added, seeing my hesitation. Again, I elected to cautiously follow Alice's assurance.

"No, no it's okay…Her name was Renee. She uh…she died in a car accident when I was nine." I said slowly.

I looked up from my fingers to see Jasper's eyes fall. There was something in them that mirrored my own emotions on the subject. And for some unknown reason, this comforted me.

It was like he had some great empathy that signaled a green flag to raise in my mind and usher me to continue speaking. For some unknown reason, I wanted to talk. I wanted to tell him about my mom, about Charlie and my life waiting for me back in Forks. I wanted to tell him about Embry and Jessica. About Alice, whom I'm sure he knew more about than I did. Hell, I even wanted to gush about Edward to him and tell him about my embarrassing, asshole moments that unfailingly happened in his presence.

All from one look in his eyes.

Wow. Alice was right. He was good.

"It had just snowed…" I said. "I remember looking out the window and seeing it fall…I liked it."

I could feel the words being pulled out of me, like submerged bubbles of air floating up through to the surface. Rising and rising, breaking free to the air above.

"I was supposed to go with her." I told him. "She was going to the store. We had been making cookies - chocolate chip- but we found out we were out of butter so she was just going to go into town and hurry back…she said it would only take a few minutes so she wanted me to wait and keep an eye on the oven."

"I wanted to go. But, it would only take five minutes."

"_Just keep an eye on the oven, honey. I'll be back in five minutes."_

I could see her telling me as she pulled on her coat, her car keys clinking in her hand as she did so.

I could remember her pale blue eyes and how her smile reached them. Her soft, loose blonde curls mashing up in the hood and collar.

"_Lock the door after me…"_

I stared off into nothing as I recounted that day.

"Five minutes went by, but I knew it was going to take longer than that so I thought nothing of it. After thirty minutes I was getting impatient. But then an hour passed and she still wasn't home….It was starting to get dark out and the snow was getting thicker on the porch. My grandma Marie came to the house around six. I couldn't figure out why she was there."

"We went to her house. No one would really tell me what was going on. I kept telling them that Charlie would be home soon and that I could go home now. But they said he wouldn't. I had left the oven on…"

I looked at Jasper.

He was fully at tentative to my words. Following along, all without note taking or stuffy and professional sounding 'hmm's' or 'how did that make you feel's'. In fact, I didn't see any note pads.

"My friend Jacob, that's coming with Charlie this weekend…His dad and mom were in the accident." I said.

"So your mom was in an accident involving your friends parents?" he confirmed.

I nodded.

"My dad, being the chief of police, responded to the call. He didn't know who was involved…he never really talks about it. But I've been told that she had died instantly. There was nothing he could do."

"I'm sorry." Jasper said. His words were low and weighty with sincerity.

I looked into his eyes and something passed between us. Something words wouldn't capture, but only muddle. There was an understanding between us and a rush of gratitude from me that I couldn't voice. All I could do was nod. And he understood.

"Jake's mom had been hurt pretty badly…she passed at the hospital that night. And his dad, was paralyzed from the waist down. Jake was only seven, his sister was ten." I continued. "My mother's last words to me were 'lock the door behind me'."

Jasper nodded softly.

He regarded me for a moment and took a breath to speak. "There's no way of knowing what's to come around the corner. We have no way of knowing when our time is up. And we forget that sometimes…how fleeting life is. We get caught up in things we have to do, errands we have to run. And sometimes, fate seems to play a cruel hand. In our distraction of going about our lives, it comes to call and takes us with it…I'm sorry you had to experience death in that manner…at such a young age."

"I lost my own parents at fifteen." he said. "Car accident."

"Both at the same time?" I asked.

He nodded and pressed his lips. "They died instantly…both going together….My sister and I lived with our grandparents after that."

"Sorry." I mumbled.

So his empathy was complete. He knew what I was describing out of an experience of his own. I couldn't imagine losing Charlie as well….

Jasper shook his head dismissively. "It's okay. There's nothing to be sorry about on your part."

He smiled at me again, and I couldn't help but return it before being taken with a serious thought.

"I don't mean to impose…" I edged. "But, do you…do you still feel them?"

All at once, his smile seemed to deepen and become tinged with sadness.

"All the time."

I nodded and returned to my nails, picking absentmindedly.

"I see my mom." I said quietly.

"I know you do." he said.

"But she isn't really there."

He paused and regarded me sadly.

A look at the clock told me that it was already past four.

Being that Jasper had multiple patients, we worked out a schedule. Giving us Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays for sessions. It gave me more free time than my schedule with Irina. Perhaps I'd visit her one these days.

I bid him goodnight and thanked him, to which he replied with a delightfully warm and thick drawl. "Pleasure's all mine."

That night, after a lovely dinner of tender loin and fresh green beans I played chess with Embry and laughed more than I had in a long time. We returned to the subject of my celebration, which after a brief explanation of my last session with Irina, we changed to a celebration of finding good people, and enjoying their company. We toasted with coca-cola in our plastic cups and stayed up until they ushered us from the rec area.

I fell asleep once again to the gentle hum of Alice's dainty snores. In two days I would see Charlie again and Jacob as well. Two of my most loved kin. I didn't know how long it would take, or how I would get better, but I would. For Charlie's sake, for mine, and for all the good people in my life, I would get better.

I found myself standing in sunny meadow. There was a soft, low and velvety laugh that wrapped around me and seemed to seep into my bones. A brush of soft hair and a crooked smile with little red tic tacs bouncing up and down like rubber balls. My mother stood smiling at me, her soft blond hair glowing with the sun behind her. Edward came to my side, taking my hand and laughing that beautifully low rumble again. My mother smiled at us. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear a wolf howl.

**A/N: This chapter proved to be quite long and seemed to want to just keep going. Where the hell is Edward? You might ask. Don't you fret my lovies. He's on the way…and at least there's dream Edward to pacify our need. **

**Poor Alice got kind of a difficult welcome, but all is good and there is so much more to come! Yes, she's been there a while. And we'll get to see more of her background soon. As well as more of Jasper's. Oh poor, poor Jasper. He has a rough and dark past. And it may not be what you think. Or it may be exactly what you think…I don't know.**

**In addition to the songs mentioned above, I have been listening to a ton (and I mean a ton) of Iron & Wine. He has become my muse! And is roughly responsible for 2/3 of this chapter. Really good stuff.**

**As well as Embry's recommendation: Joy Division. Give them a listen! They were at the pioneering forefront of punk and newwave, well before either became popular.**

**Stay tuned for chapter four my lovies. And give me a shout out! Love it? Or hate it? Let me know! **

**There's the review button. You know what to do.**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. But God I love reading fanfics.

**NOW ON FACEBOOK! **

**A/N: Hello my lovies! Did you miss me? Because I missed you, and I've written a new chapter for you all. **

**Last time, we saw Jessica finally move on, Alice moved in, Bella had a very successful first session with Jasper and Embry is fighting his demons.**

**This time my lovies, we bring in the Edward.**

**Oh yes.**

**Strap in and buckle up dearies, because Bella's got Friday off, and the weekend is just around the bend.…And God knows what Alice could get up to in that amount of time. Charlie and Jacob are finally making an appearance. Let's dig in.**

Chapter music: The entire album "The Creek Drank the Cradle" by Iron & Wine ~ If You Run by The Boxer Rebellion ~ Give In To Me by Faith Hill

CHAPTER FOUR: TO BE IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS

I, unlike a few others, had the day off.

With my new schedule with Dr. Whitlock, I would have a couple of days off during the week. I still had to get up at seven, even after pleading with an increasingly warming Angela. But I lingered in bed for as long as possible, stretching and contemplating what I would do with my newly found time.

Eventually I wandered up to the cafeteria for breakfast. But I had lingered in my bed so long I had nearly missed all the food. There was a little of the bacon left, fresh fruit and pancakes.

I viewed the room as I filled a mug with coffee and spotted Embry once again by the chess boards, so I settled myself in the chair next to him and ate while we talked and laughed.

"A day off…well how nice for you." he said. "Wish I got a day off."

"We get weekends, Embry. It's not like we're going seven days a week or anything."

"Yeah but you know, it'd be cool." he said, randomly hopping pieces with a pawn.

He sighed heavily and sat back in his seat when I remembered the small bit of missing info that had occurred to me yesterday.

"Embry, who's your doctor?"

"Hmm?" he turned his attention to me, his eye brows quirking slightly.

"Who's your doctor, you've never told me."

"Oh…it's uh, Dr. Banner." he said, fumbling with the frayed fabric his jeans again.

"Banner?"

"Mmm hmm." he voiced.

"Huh…I haven't heard of him yet…I had a teacher named Banner once." I laughed. "Biology."

Embry laughed too, but looked a little uneasy.

"You okay?" I asked him.

He smiled at me quietly and returned to the chess board in front of us. "I'm good."

I moved my empty plate from my lap and began arranging the pieces. "Here, play me. I'll be black."

He turned the board so that my side faced me completely and helped me with the placement. We didn't bother with the rules really, just moving pieces and capturing them with reckless abandon.

"What time is your dad getting here?" he asked me.

"Mmm, it takes roughly five hours to get up here…"

"_Jesus._" he remarked.

"Haha, I know. But he should get here around eleven or so… we'll probably have lunch, and just hang out the rest of the day."

Embry nodded and hung his hand over a rook, analyzing the board.

"You should hang out with us." I proposed.

"Uh…I, I don't know." he said.

"Oh come on!"

"Nah…you should spend some time with them. You see enough of me." he said.

"Embry, are you ashamed by me?" I asked mockingly serious.

His eyes met mine and a grin cracked across his features.

"Well….."

"Oh shut up!" I exclaimed.

"You brought it up." he shrugged.

Suddenly his head turned to the left and he froze, looking out the window.

"What?" I asked, concerned. "Embry, what is it?"

His eyes were creased with worry and his breathing was shallow and slightly uneven.

"Hey…" I reached out to touch his arm, but his attention came back to me with my movement.

"It's nothing." he dismissed, shaking his head focusing again on the board.

But his eyes were still filled with some sort of tension and fear. I knew what it was.

"Nothing my ass. Embry, you can talk to me."

His eyes came to me again and the worry spilled to the rest of his face.

"Have you talked to Dr. Banner about it? About it getting worse?"

"Yeah, I have…he's going to switch my medication." he said. "He tells me to ignore it, not play into it."

"Play into it?" I asked.

"He thinks that if I acknowledge it, my mind will be trained to believe it. If I ignore it, it might retrain my brain to reject it." he said.

"Oh…"

I didn't know quite what to think of the strategy his doctor was implementing. In my experience, it wasn't always so easy to distinguish what should be ignored. But I didn't know if this could help Embry, so I remained mute.

We spent the morning together, but come lunchtime, he was nowhere to be found. Again.

I wanted to go find him, to check on him and make sure he wasn't curled up in a corner somewhere. Rocking back and forth in the fetal position. But Alice joined me at the table and stole my attention. She was flipping through one of her fashion mags and critiquing my form and what would look best on me.

"We really do need to have some shopping time." she remarked.

Shopping? Good God, like she needed more things. Which begs the question….

"How is it that you have so much stuff?" I asked her.

"What do you mean?" she returned.

"All your stuff. When I got here I wasn't allowed to bring very much. But _you_ have a ton! And so did Jessica…"

"Oh." she began shaking her head and waved off my words. "That. They just want to bring you into a clear environment, free from anything back home. It's like a cleansing or whatever…its to kind of detox you of anything that may have been holding you back from before. Like…like a clean slate."

"A clean slate." I confirmed incredulously.

"Mmm hmm." she hummed, taking a bite of chicken from her salad. "But you can have stuff… I kind of have mine smuggled in." she added with a devilish grin.

Waistband.

My ears perked. I remembered the day she had a magazine smuggled in for her….

Waistband! Waistband, waistband, waistband! WAISTBAND!

"Waistband." I blurted out to her.

"What?" she asked, perplexed.

My mind was a jumbled fog of visions of Edward's exposed stomach and the all consuming urge to question her on everything she knew of him.

I fidgeted in frustration of not being able to synchronize my mouth with thought and coherently articulate what I needed to asked.

"Your smuggler-waistband guy-you know waistband!" I stammered.

Alice looked lost and was trying in vain to discern what I was talking about.

"You know!" I yelled exacerbated.

Alice shook her head slowly and widened her eyes, searching for more clues.

"Edward!" I finally managed to say.

Jesus fucking Criminey.

"Edward? What about him?" she asked.

EVERYTHING my mind sputtered.

But suddenly, I didn't know what to ask. I know what I _wanted_ to ask, but didn't know what I actually wanted to voice just yet. Or even what to start with.

"He smuggles things in for you?"

"Bella…" she waved me off. "You make it sound so devious…It's not really smuggling, I guess. It's not contraband. But I can't exactly just waltz out and make a trip to the store, so Edward just picks up a few things for me every now and again."

She returned to her lunch, chewing on a bit of salad before coming back to my words.

"_What_ about his waistband?" she asked.

"Oh…no, I just… I saw him give you a magazine one day that was hidden in the front of his pants." I said.

One of her eyebrows quirked and she viewed me questioningly.

"What?"

"Nothing." she sang.

Her eyes peered back to me again and her lips pursed in a stifled grin.

"What?"

She shrugged in faux innocence. "Nothing, really….I just find it funny that your attention was only on his waistband."

"It was not!"

"Mmm hmm." she hummed with a giggle. "Oh, shoot. I've got to go, Bella!"

She stood suddenly, her eyes lighting, and straightened herself.

"Don't want to be late!" she sang.

"Late for what?"

"My session!" she exclaimed.

Her eyes were beginning to look slightly frenzied and the same, unyielding excitement was building to frightening levels in her.

"How do I look?" she asked, turning to me.

For being in here, she looked extremely out of place. Like she belonged on the cover of one of her many magazines or in the front row along a runway, discerningly studying the models that walked there.

"You look…really good." I replied.

"Good?" she repeated, seeming disappointed. "I might have enough time to change…."

"Alice what…" I laughed. "What are you getting all worked up about? You're just going to your session."

"Bella." she said, her eyes holding mine and becoming very serious. "This isn't just any session. This is session time with Dr. Jasper Whitlock….I can't go in there looking just 'good.'"

She actually used air quotes with 'good.'

That really just happened.

"O-kay…Alice, you do look more than 'just good,' are you kidding me?"

She looked down at her outfit again, smoothing the front with her palms and reassessing herself. She looked at me from under her lashes. "How good?"

"Like you're about to bitch slap some starving runway model with your awesomeness." I said.

And really, she probably could have.

She gave herself another once-over and smiled contentedly. "Thanks." she beamed.

She turned on her toes with all the grace of a ballerina and began gliding over toward the hall. Before I knew it she was gone.

What the hell was that about?

I found myself aimlessly wandering the halls after that. Embry would be in his session with Dr. Banner right now, so I couldn't just hang out with him or check to see how he was doing. The poor guy… I hoped that his time with Banner would help him. I didn't like seeing him so troubled. It just wasn't right.

I would drag the toe of my shoes every now and then across the super glossed floors, making a God awful screech. With my hands shoved in my pockets, I tried to think of something to occupy my time. I thought of Edward. But I hadn't seen him anywhere yet, and wondered if he worked today at all.

I thought of him pulling Alice's magazine from his scrub pants and handing it to her, and was once again slightly jealous of the relationship they seemed to have.

I wanted something like that….

I wanted to get to know more of him, talk to him more. But so far the only interaction I've had with him has been less than ideal and certainly not long enough.

I sighed and continued moseying.

Maybe he'd be smuggling things in for me one day… I smiled at the thought.

I was beginning to resent my newly found spare time. No one was around to spend it with… I felt like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to, like I was playing hooky and any minute would get caught.

I was the lonely delinquent, loitering and looking for something to do. I shuffled my feet lazily and shoved my hands deeper into my pockets. Up ahead of me, there was movement, a figure standing.

I looked up in surprise. It was a tall young man. He was just standing there, facing me. I kept moving forward, minding my own business. But I as I got closer, I could see him better and make out more details. Details that were too familiar. The way he held himself, his long lanky arms and the way his dark hair lay on his head.

"Embry?"

I kept moving toward him and wondered why he was here, wandering this same hallway instead of being in his session. It was only around two o'clock.

"Embry." I called out to him.

But he didn't move. More and more detail came into focus as I drew closer, and I could see something was off. Something in the way he stood was wrong. He was tense, rigid. His arms were locked at his sides and his fingers spread and extended.

"Embry!" I called louder. I moved faster.

But he just stood there.

And then I could see it, he was shaking.

His face was wrong. His mouth hung open slightly and his face was taught. As I got closer, I could see his eyes. They were tight and focused on something far away. I slowed down as I came closer, something was wrong with him. Something dangerous.

His breathing was erratic and wild. It was shallow and labored as flecks and streams of spit issued from his open mouth in correspondence.

"Embry?" I called cautiously.

He eyes suddenly snapped to me, his whole head turning to face me in a fraction of a second.

I froze in my tracks.

He shook from head to toe.

"Embry…" I breathed.

He was scaring me. The way he was looking at me told me to run. But every instinct in me warred with the burning want to stay. To stay here with him and help him. I wanted to get as far away as possible and also hold him in my arms. So I stood frozen.

I raised my hands slowly to place them out in front of me.

"Embry." I said a little stronger.

His wild eyes were still trained on me.

I took a shaky step forward.

A deep, low and short growl shot from between his teeth and more spit flew from his mouth. A warning.

I stopped again.

"Embry… it's ok." I said.

A violent tremor rocked through him and his attention was suddenly stolen from me to something down the hall. His breathing paused as he focused. I took a brief second to glance at what held his attention, but saw nothing.

"Embry…" I said again.

His eyes shot to me once again. But there was something different in them. For the briefest of moments, I saw the Embry I knew. For only a fraction of a second, I saw pleading in his eyes. But it was quickly swallowed in the shadow of the wild that consumed him.

And without warning, he charged forward.

He streaked passed me with more speed than I would have thought possible. I fell back. Half scared by his movement, half in attempt to catch him.

In a rushed, jumbled blur, I crashed to the glossy floor below me. Hearing a resounding crack.

The world went fuzzy.

I could feel the cool floor under me. I could feel how hard it was under my shoulders and head. I just couldn't see it all that well.

The entire hallway was a blur, coming in and out of focus.

"Embry…" I breathed.

He was nowhere in sight. Well…nothing was.

I began crawling in the direction he had taken. Why, I wasn't so sure. I really shouldn't have been moving in my condition. I had visited enough ER's and doctors to know the standard procedure for concussions. And that was definitely what I had.

I could feel the cold, indifferent, shiny floor under my palms and finger tips, quietly remarking to myself how strange it was that I noticed so much detail about the fucking shiny floor.

The world was slowly coming back into focus and not spinning as much.

I was able to raise myself to my knees, slowly crawling after my friend. As I stood, my brain and stomach seemed to lurch forward.

"Oh…shit."

I paused, leaning against the wall.

My vision failed for a moment, the world disappearing into black. But I could still feel my fingers against the walls. Freakish tactile senses….

There was a muffled, sluggish sound beating against my eardrum. It came and went, reminding me of old Charlie Brown cartoons whenever a teacher or adult would talk to him. An indiscernible wah wah wah.

I blinked hard, willing my vision to come back to me. I had to catch up with Embry. I had to find him and make sure he was okay. I had to help him….

I felt the wall slip from my touch, and with it, the world.

….

I found myself in a meadow again. My meadow.

The sun was so bright, but it didn't hurt my eyes. It just gave everything a brilliant glow. It's light reflected off the many flowers and blades of grass that surrounded me. My mother was in the distance, picking flowers as she slowly traipsed the field, occasionally looking back to me over her shoulder and smiling. Charlie wasn't far behind her, lounging in his lazy boy.

I could see them smiling like kids, laughing and talking with each other.

I felt the gentle summer breeze swirl around me, ruffling my hair and stirring the tall grass. A soft, gentle chuckle hummed in my ear. My eyes slipped close against it and I leaned back into the grass, laying down and feeling myself happily drift.

It shimmered through me, setting a warm glow in my bones. I breathed deep and easy.

I could hear something else. Out of sync with the rustling of the wind. A steady, rhythmic beat. Footsteps.

I didn't want to open my eyes though. I wanted to stay here, lost in the warm glow of the sunlight on my eyelids and the ease it brought. But the footsteps drew closer and my brain screamed at me to take caution.

Mmm….no….

The footsteps came closer and closer.

_Get up now! _My mind shouted.

Too comfortable….its nothing. I'm safe….

_Get up you lazy bitch, you're in danger!_

You're overreacting….

_Danger! Danger! Danger!_

Mmm….shut up! You're ruining this….

A low, deep growl came from my right. And my eyes shot open.

There was something dangerous.

_Fucking told you! Good Lord…._

I sat up quickly and scanned the tree line. To my left, my mother giggled freely. I looked over to see her and my father half dancing. Her hands were in his as they smiled and laughed. He spun her around gently.

A resounding snap of a branch brought my attention back to the danger that lurked somewhere in the trees.

My mother laughed easily. The sunlight bouncing off her dark blonde locks and flaring off her red dress…

From the shadows of the trees, a large wolf emerged.

Bella….

Bella, open your eyes.

There was a soft nudge on my shoulder.

"Mmm… Angela, five more minutes please." I mumbled, my voice thick with sleep.

There was a low, velvety chuckle.

_Low velvety laugh? That's not Angela…_

My eyes shot open, regrettably. A piercing light assaulted my eyes, blinding me and bringing with it a splitting headache.

"Oh….shit."

The laugh sounded again.

I knew that laugh. I knew who it belonged to.

Very carefully, and slowly, I opened my eyes again to see his face.

"There you are." Edward said.

He leaned over me, blocking the asinine light from my sensitive eyes. His eyes roamed over my face, moving from eye to eye and inspecting me.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

Like a truck backed up on my head. Then pulled forward to do it again.

"Shitty…"

"Hmm…do you know where you are?" he asked.

Judging from the harsh crinkle of paper cloth under me, I was guessing I was neither in the hallway, the meadow or my own bed. So I picked a more broad classification.

"The hospital?" I hedged.

"Good enough for me." he said. "What happened?"

I thought back to Embry and a panic flooded me. I need to find him. I need to make sure he isn't huddled under a tree somewhere outside, sleeping in the freezing drizzle. But then Edward brought his hand up to my forehead, his warm thumb dragging gently along my skin as his eyes followed and inspected.

"I…I fell."

"Mmm….took quite the spill didn't you?" he said. "I'm glad I decided to stop by tonight and saw you…or else who knows how long you would have been laying there."

"I guess…." I didn't even feel the words tumble from my lips.

My heart had begun to beat faster and faster with his touch and close proximity. Causing my head to pound with an unholy thud that accompanied every beat.

"You're pupils are dilating normally again…" he mused and leaned in closer. His eyes roamed mine. "That's good."

I could feel his breath gently roll across my face and down my neck. It was warm with a hint of coffee and mint.

"Uh huh…"

His eyes focused on mine, looking into them rather than at them and a small, crooked smirk began to grow in the corners of his lips.

"Still a little fuzzy, huh?" he smiled.

"What?"

He chuckled again and leaned back, allowing the horrid light to return and burn into my retinas.

"Come on, let's get you up." he said.

I felt steady hands take mine and gently usher me to sit up.

The pounding thud in my head grew in intensity with the movement and became accompanied by a wooshing sound in my ears.

I closed my eyes, it was easier to take without that fucking light.

"Ahh…."

"Okay?" he asked.

"Yeah…I just, got to take it easy. I'll be fine in a minute."

Slowly, I eased my eyes open again. And now, not being directly under the blazing light, I could see the room, and him.

We were in what looked like a school nurses office. He sat in front of me on a short stool with wheels on the ends of the legs. His arms were stretched out, relaxed, his hands still holding mine.

I stared at our connected hands for a moment. Through the pounding and spinning, I was able to focus on this.

"Alright, I'm going to give you a couple of Tylenol 'cause your head is probably killing you and a couple ibuprofen for the knot on the back of your skull." he said.

His hands dropped away from mine and he pushed back on the stool, sliding from me to a cabinet with many drawers. He opened one and I heard the rattle of pills in a bottle.

Ah, shit…pills. In front of Edward.

Damn it.

"Alright, here you go." he said, sliding back to me with a few pills in his palm and a small cup of water.

I eyed him hesitantly.

His eyes met mine and an easy smile touched his face. "What?"

"Nothing." I breathed with a slight shake of my head. Oh…pounding.

I took the pills from his open hand and the cup simultaneously. With a last glance at them, and a silent prayer, I popped the pills into my mouth and downed the cool liquid.

One, two…three. There, down the hatch they are.

"Alrighty…" he said softly. "Still feeling a little woozy?"

I looked up to see his eyes on mine, ever assessing my condition. His warm finger tips came under my palms once again and gently took my hands. His eyebrows quirked slightly to silently ask if I was good to stand.

He stood up and carefully guided me to meet him. The pounding in my head picked up slightly with the movement, but other than that, I was good enough.

As I steadied myself, I noticed how close I was to him. My hands were still in his, and I could feel his breath barely touching my skin again.

"We good?" he asked. His voice was a soft, low rumble.

I lifted my eyes to see his chin just above me. I could see stubble close to the skin, even though he probably just shaved. His lips were parted slightly, they were a deep pink, almost red. And full, God they were full….I wonder if they would feel soft or firm?

"Yeah…we're good." I breathed.

The soft/firm, very kissable looking, full lips pulled up on one end.

"Alright." he said. "Come on."

One of his hands fell away from mine and I missed the contact immediately. But he pivoted the other to take a firmer grasp and the first came to the small of my back.

I take back the whole missing the contact thing. This contact was more preferable.

He guided me out of the room and I knew where we were. We were just outside the hall that I had found Embry wigging out in. Only now, outside the windows was pitch black.

How long had I been out? And where was Embry now? My stomach fell at the thought of all he could have been through in the elapsed time.

"What time is it?" I asked, beginning to panic.

"Around five. You were out for while there… had me worried." he added with a smile.

I needed to find Embry. I had to make sure he was okay.

"I have to go. I need find a friend of mine."

"Mmm, I think I maybe you should take it easy for a little bit." he said.

My head was still aching with every pulse, but I needed to make sure he wasn't hurting himself, or knocking anyone else over.

Edward's palm slid up on my back as he steered me over to a chair.

"No, I'm fine. I just need to go find him. He isn't doing too well right now. He needs me."

"What's his name?" he asked softly.

"Embry, Embry Call. He's a patient of Dr. Banner's." I told him.

His brow creased slightly in the center.

"Dr. Banner?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I don't know a Dr. Banner…" he said. "But I tell you what, I'll go take care of your friend, if you promise me you'll take it easy."

The same crooked smile pulled at his lips and reached his eyes.

I could feel my eyeballs all but glaze over and all the air in my lungs seemed to escape me.

If anyone could take care of Embry, I'm sure this man was capable.

" 'Kay?" he asked softly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

I felt safe here with him. I felt comfortable and assured, and knew Embry would find the same. If I took it easy for just now, Edward would find him, and I would be able to take care of him soon thereafter.

"Okay…" I breathed.

Edward's eyes creased slightly with his responding smile.

He stood, letting go of my hand and taking a step back.

"Go easy, now." he reiterated.

A breathy giggle escaped me. " 'Kay."

Oh my God. Would you get a hold of yourself! You're nineteen, not a thirteen year old girl!

He smiled kindly once more, then turned and made his way down the hall to search for Embry.

True to my word, I stayed there for a few minutes more. And long after the room was steady and the pounding headache had subsided, I wandered to the eating hall. Armed with a glass of water, I made my way over to the couches. Sitting quietly and taking moderate sips, I watched as everyone ate their meals. The usual crowd was here again. The early bird special lovers, those that need to be escorted and fed, and those cool kids that preferred to eat late.

Which was only six thirty.

I munched on a small bit of chicken to have something in my system, but I really wasn't very hungry. I busied myself with one of the out of date magazines and wondered how Alice's all important session with Dr. Whitlock had gone. I wondered how Embry was doing.

I really hoped he was no longer in the throws of his imagination or curled up in a ball somewhere. I hoped to God he wasn't strapped to a bed, heavily sedated.

My heart sank and I no longer felt like eating anything at all. I discarded my lone piece of chicken to the plate and tried to return to my trash mag. But all I could see was the brief, troubled look of pleading in my friends eye before turning wild. All I could see was his body rigid with tension.

I tossed my magazine away and tried to focus on the room, on anything but the visions popping up in my mind. I hoped that Edward had found him. I hoped that he was taking care of Embry, and helping him. And on Monday, I would find Dr. Banner's office, and tell him that his method of ignoring the problem was a bunch of shit.

Around eight, I hadn't seen either Edward or Embry and was uneasy with the lack of assurance that all was well. I stopped by the small office I had woken in and the central nurses station, but didn't not find Edward. The nurse on duty there wasn't the brightest and didn't seem to hear anything I told her. She could only sit there with a confused look and repeat that he wasn't on duty tonight.

Frustrated and tired, I made my way back to my room. I sat on my bed for what seemed like days, unavoidably worrying over the lack of information I had. I didn't like not knowing. I didn't like not seeing Embry myself to make sure he was better again.

I sighed and fell back against the pillows. I hit them with a little more force than was necessary, and regretted it immediately. My brain swam and I felt the room spin against my shut eyes.

Ah….shit. Stop spinning. Please.

And once it did. The door burst open and so did my eyes. I shot up in bed, alarmed and swaying.

"O.M. _Freakin_ G! Bella….I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful my day has been." Alice said, floating into the room. She closed her eyes and smiled blissfully as she let out a deep sigh.

When her eyes opened again, they fell upon me and her smile faltered.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Slowly, I swung my legs over the side of my bed and steadied myself.

"Embry freaked out today."

"Oh my gosh…" she breathed. Her shoulders slumped slightly and her hands clasped in front of her as she walked toward me. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know…" I told her. And that killed me. "I don't know. He ran off, and I hit my head…."

"What?" she asked, more alarmed.

She sat down next to me and carefully smoothed my hair, feeling the decreasing bump at the back of my head.

I could feel it all getting to me. The stress was starting to break and bust at the seams. I didn't want to cry, I wanted to know what was going on. But the tears came anyway. Fucking tears… My head bowed forward and I closed my eyes to stop the flow.

"Oh, sweetie…" I heard her say.

"Edward said he would find him. He said he would make sure he was okay."

"Edward?"

"He found me in the hallway when I passed out. I told him about it and he promised to help." I explained.

She sighed and rubbed gentle circles on my back.

I told her everything Embry had been going through. How he had been losing sleep over his delusions was reaching his breaking point. I told her about how it had finally gotten to him today. How he shook and the look in his eyes. How very much I wished he were okay.

She assured me that Edward would have found him. That he wouldn't allow Embry to be strapped to a bed and shot full of tranquilizers or shocked repeatedly. That he'd take care of him.

"I'm sorry to lay all this on you."

"No, no, Bella sweetie…it's not like you could help it. Don't you worry about it." she said.

I looked up to see her smiling gently. She was a good friend… Thanks again for the recommendation, Jess.

"You said you had a great day?" I asked. And her eyes lit up. But she seemed to keep it at bay in light of my news.

"How was your session?" I continued, quirking an eyebrow. "With Dr. Whitlock…"

Her mouth curled into a grin and her head fell back.

"Ahh…..Dr. Jasper. It was amazing, Bella!" she gushed.

That didn't take much encouragement. She told me all about her time with him, recounting all they had shared and discussed. And how they had continued to talk well past the allotted time.

"Did you know got thrown from a horse when he was five?" she asked. "Ah… but he just got right back on…said he didn't even cry. His grandfather gave him the nickname 'Tuff' after that."

She never seemed to breath in between sentences. But I was happy with her excitement and obvious elation.

"He is something." I added, when she took a moment to sigh blissfully.

"Oh, he certainly is." she said, falling back and covering her eyes with an arm. "He certainly is."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Alice, honey, I do believe you are smitten."

"Oh no, no, no, Bella." she said, raising herself onto her elbows. "It's far more than some silly school girl crush. I'm going to marry that man one day."

I laughed easily, until I saw that she was serious.

I wasn't sure if Alice was reading a little more into her interactions with our doctor than was reality or if there indeed was something substantial between them. Either way, I was sure there was some sort of doctor/patient clause that forbade intimate relationships.

She slipped out an hour later to see if she could sneak something from the kitchen, leaving me to get ready for bed.

A knock at the door came unexpectedly, but welcomed when the possibility of it being Edward with news of Embry entered my mind.

"Did you find him?" I asked hurriedly as I wrenched the door open.

But there standing in the doorway was my friend Embry.

He looked up at me from his hung head, as if embarrassed or ashamed. As if he thought I would be angry with him. Like a guilty child standing in front of their parent.

"I just wanted to stop by and apologize-"

I reached up and wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him into a hug and cutting off his words. I held his head between my neck and shoulder and gripped him as tightly as I could. With a sigh, I felt his head relax into its spot and his arms loosely wrapped around my waist.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, glad enough that he was here now and acting like his normal, non-feral self.

He sighed again.

"I'm good."

I pulled his face up to get a good look at him. I held it in my hands and noticed that his skin was once again cooler than it should be.

God, please tell me he _wasn't_ curled under a tree outside for a few hours.

I looked him over and searched his eyes. There was shame there, and regret. He had nothing to be sorry for though, this wasn't something he could control. If he could, he would have to be in this place.

"I should go." he whispered. "It's after lights out, but I just wanted to come by. I…I'm sorry, Bella."

I shook my head and let my thumb rub along his cheek.

"Don't apologize. Not for this."

He let out another heavy sigh and downcast his eyes.

"Do you hear me?" I whispered, craning my head to catch his eyes again.

He nodded slowly and reached up to remove my hand from his cheek. He held it for a moment before stepping back into the hallway.

"I'll see you later." he said.

I nodded and watched as he quietly hurried down the hall and rounded the corner to the stairs.

My dreams were shapeless that night. Swirls and flickers of images and color. I saw Embry's face and brief snippets of driving my truck, and shopping with Alice in some giant boutique while Edward stuffed items down his pants.

I woke early while Alice still slept, her gentle snores following me as I quietly closed our door and made my way to the smell of coffee and mixed breakfast items. I grabbed a plate and moseyed through the line, filling a mug with coffee and settling on the couches.

"That stuff'll stunt your growth, you know."

I turned to see the large bear of a man Emmett making his way toward me. The ever present smile pressing dimples into his cheeks.

"Ah, too late." he murmured.

"Fuck you." I said smiling and flung a grape at him.

"Hey! I'll restrain you if I have to." he said. "Besides, you're not technically allowed to eat over here."

"It's in the dining hall, how am I to know all these special rules?"

He gave me a look that asked me to not give him shit. And I wouldn't, I liked him too much.

"So, a little birdie tells me you took a trip to La La land last night?" he said teasingly.

"I may have bumped my head a bit…" I hedged. "But my mind is sound."

"Swan, you're in a nut house." he said flatly.

"Nice bedside manner, McCarty." I said. "So, what are you up to today?"

He stretched his arms high over his head and let out a deep grunt as he spoke. "Mmmmm ooohhh you know, the usual."

"You're guys are coming today!" he added. "So am I going to meet the man who raised you, or what?"

"Sure, if you want. They should be here around eleven or so."

We talked a little while longer, he told me about the test he took on Thursday and how relieved he was to get a B. He mused about joining the boosters club, but didn't think he would be able to because of his schedule. And when he heaved himself from the chair to conduct his rounds, I gave him a gentle knock in the shoulder.

I had time to burn before Charlie and Jacob got here. But between the coffee and anxiousness to see them, I fidgeted with impatience as I watched the clock tick slower and slower. I figured a shower and some time getting ready should burn at least some of wait, so I jumped from the sofa and headed for the stairs.

I rounded the corner, smiling to myself and suppressing the buzz inside of me that threatened to send me bouncing. This must be how Alice felt all the time.

There was a blur of light green and a hard knock to my left side that sent me sprawling. But I didn't hit the hard, glossy floor as I braced for. Instead, I stopped short, cradled in something warm.

My eyes swiveled around to see what had happened and were met with the same green fabric I had seen just before the collision. They were green scrubs.

"Whoa! Miss Swan….that's the second time in twenty-four hours that you've fallen into my arms." he said.

My eyes came up to the same chin, the same stubble that was noticeably longer, to the same full, soft/firm lips. My eyes met Edward's, and I lost the ability of speech and apparently breathing as well. I just stared.

It wasn't until he moved to pull us both straight, a second later, that I regained awareness of my surroundings and control of my limbs. I stood straight and put a little distance between us.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you….and …second time? What are you talking about?"

If ever I had been in Edward's arms, particularly a second time, I would think I would have known it.

"Yesterday evening." he said. "When you were in the hallway. I saw you swaying a bit and when I asked if you were okay, you didn't respond. You started sliding against the wall and well, I barely got there in time."

"And now, is the second." he added.

I stared at him. Once again, lacking know how of function.

"You caught me?"

"It was right place, right time." he shrugged. "Like I said, I'm glad I stopped by the hospital."

"Huh…" was all I managed, until my brain kicked me to be polite. "Well, thanks."

"No problem…" he murmured.

Embry's face popped up in my mind, and how he had recovered last night. Edward must have found him.

My brain was doing a hell of a job of keeping me on top of the thank you cards.

"No really. Thanks…for everything." I said sincerely.

His eyes locked on mine and softened more with that small smile.

"It's my job." he said quietly.

We stood there for a moment in silence. I didn't know what to say next, or do. With all the politeness my mind was keeping in check, it neglected to operate in all other areas.

"I'll see you around, Miss Swan." he said, the same small smile growing to form slight creases around his eyes.

No, wait! I didn't want him to leave yet. And for Christ's sake, I wanted him to quit calling me 'Miss Swan.'

But speech was off line for the time being, and all I could do was turn to watch him move past me. And as he did so, he brought his hand up to lightly touch my arm. We have lost speech entirely.

I kicked myself as I made my way down the stairs and to my door. Frustrated, I took a long, hot shower and stood in front of my open wardrobe undecided with what to wear.

Edward was working today, that much was obvious. So he didn't work a few days out of the week, but covered weekends. Maybe he was part-time. Maybe he was a student like Emmett. I stood there with my towel wrapped under my arms, lost in thoughts other than clothes.

My indecision and lack of quick execution lead to the unfortunate arrival and subsequent 'dress up time' subjection of Alice.

She held me hostage, and tisked and ooo'ed her way through my small collection of garments before delving into her own.

With the mercy of a knock at the door, a nurse informed me that I had visitors at the front desk, and Alice was forced to make a final decision on my outfit.

She wasn't happy about it.

We walked together down to the main hallway and out to the lobby where I saw the familiar head of hair that belonged to my father. He sat uneasily in the plush waiting chairs and looked aimlessly around the room. Tapping his foot and drumming his fingers without rhythm on the arm rest.

Jacob was seated next to him, appearing much more at ease, if only a little bored of having to wait.

I smiled, watching them for a moment before they became aware that I was there. I slowly rounded the desk, watching as their eyes came to my movement, the light of recognition on their faces, and the hurried footsteps toward me.

Charlie got their first, his big arms wrapping tightly around me and giving one massive squeeze before he let go enough to look at me.

"Aww….Hey, Bells." he said "You look good, honey."

His scent was all around me. A warm blend of Folgers coffee, cedar trees and a faint, sweet trace of salmon. It was as strong as his embrace and hit me harder than I had anticipated. I had missed it more than I had known.

"Hey, Dad…" I said quietly, the words too large to force through my throat.

His large mustache crinkled at the edges in a smile.

Jacob stood off to the side, his thumbs resting in the back pockets of his jeans as he shuffled his feet.

"Jake, you're huge! What have they been feeding you?" I said with a laugh.

He had some how grown taller since I had last seen him. And he was thicker. His neck, arms and shoulders seemed to swell with large bands of muscle.

He laughed and shuffled his feet more. "Hey, Bella."

I moved in to hug him as well and noticed a small, rectangular white box held in his hand.

"See's?" I asked incredulously.

"You wanted chocolate." he said simply with the shrug of one shoulder.

"Wow, splurging on the good stuff. I feel pampered."

He laughed easily and wrapped me in a hug.

"So how have they been treating you here, Bells?" Charlie asked.

"It's like Shawshank." I quipped dryly.

The duty nurse behind the desk raised her head to gape at me.

"I'm kidding." I threw her way.

"No, it's good." I said. I noticed Alice standing, tight lipped at my side and immediately felt horrible.

"Oh, Charlie, Jake, this is my friend Alice. She's my roommate here and general partner in crime." I said, gesturing between her and my family.

"Hi, it's so nice to finally meet you. Bella has said so much about you both." she said graciously, shaking their hands.

"Nice to meet you, too." Charlie said.

Jake gave a smile and quick nod of his head as he took her hand.

"Well, are you guys hungry? It's nearly lunch time." I proposed.

Like I would ever have to ask.

Alice and I led them to the dining hall, she practically danced along Charlie's side. Taking his arm and informing him of all the wonderful opportunities and programs available here. She all but assured him of our wellbeing and filled him in on the fun we had. By the time we reached the cafeteria, he had his far hand rested over hers and was smiling along with her as she quietly assured him that she had her eye on me and simply would not allow any harm to befall me.

Jacob walked along my side, much less formal. We caught up on small talk and the current happenings in La Push and Forks.

"Sam and Emily are expecting." he said with a small smirk on his lips.

"What? Oh my God, how far along is she?"

"About 3 months, I think." he said.

"Oh my God, that's fantastic…tell them congrats for me."

"You got it." he chuckled.

We grabbed our plates and sat together at one of the long tables. Jacob and Charlie both helping themselves to large quantities of the chicken lasagna.

"So, Alice. How long have you been here?" Charlie asked, taking a sip from his glass.

"Oh, just over two years. I've become a resident advisor of sorts." she giggled.

Charlie all but melted and, God love him, he giggled too.

What the Fuck?

"So…Jake, how's the rebuild going?"

Jacob wiped his mouth, that was very much full with food. "Uh…it's coming along. I'm going to head over to the pick 'n pull tomorrow. It needs an alternator."

"Ah…alternator."

I didn't know much about cars. But they were Jake's passion and I indulged him.

"But I got the transmission altogether, finally. So once that's in, I can get her started up and runnin'." he said.

Across the room, a tuft of soft bronze hair floated into view.

Edward crossed the far end of the room, stopping briefly here and there to check in with other nurses and patients, but never looking in my direction.

"Bells."

"Hmm? What?" I said, bringing my attention back to the table.

"I said is the food always this good?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, yeah. It's good…"

Alice's eyes followed to where mine had been and a grin spread across her face.

"Oh, Bella's not giving it justice." she chimed. "The food is exquisite, Charlie."

He hmm'ed and continued to load his fork as she described the recent menus. Jacob nodded along with his eyes on his plate, scooping more into his mouth.

I looked up again to see where Edward had gone, but he was nowhere to be found. I sat back again and pushed my own food around on my plate.

After lunch we took a tour of the grounds. Charlie had seen all of this of course when he dropped me off, but with Alice at his side, it was like he was seeing it for the first time.

"I'm trying to get the board to plant some fuchsias and gardenias along the southern wall, and a line of Japanese maples along the eastern slope would be gorgeous at sunrise…" she raved, pointing in different directions and gesturing with her hands.

Jacob didn't believe me when we passed the basketball courts and I told him of going 21 to 14 with Embry.

"You knocked down 14 points?" he asked incredulously.

"Gee, don't sound surprised, Jake."

"Nah, I'm sure you did." he said, draping a heavy arm over my shoulders.

"Charlie, there's someone I would like you to meet." Alice said as we made our way inside again. We traveled down the hall with offices, and I wasn't sure exactly what Alice was heading toward.

"Dr. Whitlock and I have been together a while now and I've seen amazing progress, he is such a natural people person. And you know, that is so important in this field…" she told him as we approached Dr. Whitlock's door.

"Alice, it's Saturday. He isn't even here." he said to her.

"Oh, no he is." she said, turning back to me. "We talked about it yesterday and both agreed how great it would be for he and Charlie to meet."

"What?"

"Alice, that's a great idea." Charlie said. "I didn't even know Bella had switched doctors…."

What the hell, Charlie?

Alice beamed turned on her toes, deftly rapping on the door.

It opened a moment later and we were welcomed in. I could hear Jasper's warm drawl and a muted clap as he shook Charlie's hand. Jacob's hand came to the small of my back as he gestured me to go first.

Down the hall, I saw the tall figure of Edward walking toward us, his head bent and inspecting paperwork.

I wanted to call out to him, but I had already passed the doorframe and Jacob was close behind.

Charlie and Alice were over by Jasper's showcase, viewing the many relics there.

"This actually was my great grandfather's…" he quietly explained.

I peered over my shoulder, hoping to catch Edward as he walked by.

"Bella, how come you didn't tell me about any of this?" Charlie asked.

I looked back to him closely inspecting a small leather bound book that lay open. It hand small, flowing handwritten script.

"This is amazing…" he remarked.

"Is this real?" Jacob asked, looking around and pointing to the old revolver.

"Indeed it is. Standard issue to Union officers in 1863." Jasper said, moving over to him.

Charlie and Dr. Whitlock spoke quietly while Alice joined Jacob and I. Jacob seemed just as infatuated with the history in the room as Charlie had been. Alice, of course, was able to fill him in on the details of every piece as Jasper would have.

It was around five in the evening that we finally left. Charlie shook Jasper's hand heartily and handed over a business card with the station's number on it.

"I appreciate you coming in on your day off to meet us." he told him.

"The pleasure's all mine, sir." Jasper said.

There had been a permanent smile on Charlie's face the whole day, lighting his features in a way I hadn't seen in years. It was a look of quiet satisfaction and contentment. When it was dark out, he was forced to say his goodbyes.

I was taken aback with how thick he and Alice had become in the course of several hours. He handed her a business card as well, making her swear that she would call him if ever anything went wrong.

"I'll see you again soon, Bells." he said to me. Wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders again, but letting them linger a while longer. "And give me a call tomorrow if you can."

"'Kay."

He paused and looked me in the eyes. "I love you, Bells."

Just as before, his words hit me harder than I expected they would have. "I love you too, Dad."

"Alright…Jake, you ready?"

With quick kick on my forehead, he turned suddenly and headed for the revolving doors. But I saw something in his eyes. He didn't look at me, but I could see it. They were crinkled and more moist than normal.

"Guess I'll see you around?" Jacob said, walking to me and enveloping me in his large, warm arms.

"Thanks for the chocolate." I muttered into his chest. "It won't go to waste."

He smiled warmly and shuffled again before saying goodbye and giving a wave to Alice.

"Goodbye!" she said, waiving enthusiastically to them as Charlie's car pulled from the parking lot.

It would definitely be too long before I saw them again. However short the time might be.

"Come on." Alice said, taking my hand. "Let's go put a dent in that box."

I should have known better than to eat chocolate before bed. But honestly, it's See's chocolate. It would be a sin not to.

A strange chemical reaction takes place in my brain when any quantity of pizza or chocolate are consumed within several hours before sleeping. If you combine the two, the effect are disastrous. I always seem to have the worst, most inescapable nightmares when this happens. Mostly about zombies, but really, it could be anything. And I always wake in the early hours of the morning, tangled in my sheets and soaking from a cold sweat.

Tonight however, things were different. And somehow, in the absence of zombies or giant spiders carrying pitchforks, it was more devastating. I was tumbling and tripping along rocks and fallen trees in a dark forest. Fumbling with my hands to guide me, and soon I found my way into a clearing. A full moon rose to illuminate the ground before me. Emmett was tossing a football back and forth to someone unseen, hidden deep in the shelter of the woods. The grass all lay over, brown and dead, and bare twigs stood in the place of the many wild flowers I had seen growing here.

Emmett fell to the ground with a yelp of pain. Attempting to stand, only for his knee to buckle under him and he would collapse again in agony. I tried to reach him, but the grass was deep, and became entangled with my feet. He yelled out in pain as he tried to crawl toward the woods. His leg dragging lifelessly behind him.

There was a white light moving through the woods, throwing shadows from the trunks across the meadow. They were headlights.

Emmett crawled into the darkness on the opposite end as another set of headlights passed by me. I followed them to where the woods opened again, this time onto the highway.

There were different lights this time. Color lights. They flashed in a pulse against me, casting me in red then blue. I got closer, walking along the pavement to see several cars. A few of them were police cruisers like Charlie's, but the two in the middle were regular, everyday vehicles. A small, green sedan and an old red pick up.

I could hear yelling. From somewhere in the middle of the mess, someone was shouting. But all I could see were people on the perimeter, silent and somber as they looked to the center, the source of the screams.

I moved past one of them to see what was happening. I didn't understand why they just stood there, why they didn't help. There in the middle, sitting on the ground was my father.

He was shouting at them to get help.

No one would move. No one would say anything. They just sadly watched him as he screamed. I pushed one out of the way to get to him. I had to help him.

But as I got closer, I saw something in his lap.

Strewn across his legs lay a lifeless body. A young woman wearing a red dress. Her golden hair tangled and matted in his bloodied hands.

Bella!

Their hands were all around me. The people who wouldn't do anything, they started to surround me, to pull me away from my father.

Bella wake up!

They kept pushing me back. I screamed for my father. I screamed at them.

One of them grabbed me around the shoulders and shook.

"BELLA WAKE UP!"

My eyes shot open to see Alice leaning over me, her hands around my shoulders.

My heart thudded in my chest and my breath came in sharp, painful gasps. I looked around to find my blankets on the floor and my sheets wrapped around my feet.

"Bella, it's okay. It was just a dream." she said.

I looked to her again. Her eyes were earnest and silently reaffirmed that I was safe now.

I collapsed back onto my pillow and caught my breath.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Sorry? Bella, don't be sorry." she said gently.

My heart rate eased and my breathing slowed.

"What time is it?"

"About four in the morning." she said with a small smile.

I closed my eyes with a sigh.

"No more chocolate."

That morning I settled for two cups of coffee, but strongly considered a third. It was Sunday and half the inhabitants of the hospital had elected to sleep in. Alice, being her perky self, waived me off when I apologized for ruining her morning.

I explained the effects of the chocolate and my nightmare. I didn't have to give much detail for her to infer the identity of the woman. Alice just had a way of knowing things. She also had a knack for handling delicate situations. She didn't press me to go into further detail or talk about my feelings. She knew that simply being there was enough.

After eating, I elected to take a walk. For the first time in a few days, it was sunny. I wondered about asking Emmett to accompany me, but felt it was best to stay away from him and anything that involved his knee having to bend.

I walked along the western end in the short, mown lawn and looked out to the eastern slope. I imagined the delicate purple leaves of the Japanese maples that Alice suggested planting there, blazing in the early morning light.

Just outside the front gate, I could see someone walking in the parking lot. A tall, square-shouldered man carrying a backpack, a coffee in one hand and a book in the other. His wavy bronze hair jostling in the slight breeze and blazing in the bright, early morning light.

**A/N: Oh my lovies, it is a long chapter. And I had to end it somewhere. WE WANT MORE EDWARD you may say. But honestly, do you think I would leave him out? The next chapter will be full of Edward. An entire Sunday with Edward and Bella alone. Free to get to know each other.**

**The sad news my dear kids, is that my job will be taking me far away again very soon. Leaving very little time to write and very few opportunities to post. But by Emmett's sweet ass, I swear I will continue writing and posting where and when I can. I love you all very much, even if you don't like to comment….You are a silent bunch aren't you? But I love you all the same!**

**Take care my dearies. And I'll see you when I see you. Look for updates on my face book! **

**And maybe, just maybe some bonus pics of where I make port? Yes? Yes.**

**Alright babies, take care out there. There's the review button.**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. But I have visited La Push a couple of times. I miss it.

Chapter music: Lucky ( Glee Version ) ~ Landslide by Stevie Nicks ~ No Air ( Glee Version) ~ Need You Now (…Glee version. Fuck, I'm hooked on this show.)

**AN: It's been so long since I've even written. As I said it would be, I've been swamped at work. Our schedule is packed and it tends to consume my attention. So I apologize for the wait, Lord knows I've wanted to write. I've been racking my brain, trying to get this chapter out. But nothing I wrote seemed to work. It all felt forced and had no substance. So I decided to wait until things calmed down at work and I could clear my head. Finally one day, it just came to me and I wrote and wrote and wrote. So, now, I finally have a finished product. I hope I didn't lose you in my absence, my lovies. But I wanted to give you quality, and I hope that's what I've come up with. **

**So here's chapter five. Finally.**

CHAPTER FIVE: YOUR CONFUSSION, MY ILLUSION

"Hmm….so what shall we do today?" Alice mused.

My eyes widened infinitesimally. I knew what I didn't want to do, and that was being a slave to Alice's wardrobe.

I loved her, but some of Alice's tastes and mine just weren't the same. My mind blurted as we sat lazily on the couches, enjoying the late morning sun that streamed in through the windows. Really, I just wanted to relax, maybe watch some TV. It was Sunday, it was meant for rest and relaxation. Not haut couture.

"I don't know… I was going to go find Embry. See how's he's doing."

Alice's eyes narrowed the slightest bit, and I was actually holding my breath a little. But then a small smile touched her lips and a somewhat devious and all knowing look filled her eyes.

"You and that boy…" she said quietly. "So when am I going to meet this Embry?"

I couldn't figure out the look in her eyes. Some accusation hiding behind them.

"Whenever he's around I guess…. Hang out with us today." I shrugged.

Her lips pursed and twisted at the side as she looked me up and down.

"…What?" I asked blankly.

"Nothing." she sang innocently.

"Alice, I know you well enough to know it's never 'nothing.'" I said. "What?"

Her eyes studied me again.

"You talk about him all the time, and are always off somewhere with him….You haven't even introduced us, yet…."

"I told you, if I can get you two in the same room for once, I'll introduce you."

She continued to study me.

"What!"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Do you like him?" she asked, her lips curling into a smirk. I could already see the plot to have a girly tea party and gush about boys bubbling up in her.

Do I like Embry?

"Of course I like Embry, I wouldn't hang out with him if I didn't." I shrugged.

Alice rolled her eyes and huffed.

Ah shit.

"No, Bella. I mean, do you _like_ _him_ like him." she said, her eye brows raised expectantly.

What the hell, Alice? Do I have the hots for my friend?

"….NNnooooo." I dragged out slowly.

She eyed me quizzically for another moment.

"Alice, I'm not attracted to Embry. He's my friend." I said.

Her eyes searched mine, before softening again.

"Okay." she said cheerily, shrugging her shoulders and returning to her magazine. Dropping the matter as quickly as she had brought it up.

I stared at her blankly.

What the fuck, Alice?

"Why do you ask?"

She shrugged again, keeping her eyes on the pages that she nonchalantly thumbed through.

"Just wondering. You spend a lot of time with him and you obviously care about him, so…Just asking." she said with an ere of casualty. But her foot started to bounce.

"….Just thought maybe I'd get to play matchmaker." her brow arched.

"Oh God, Alice. No." I said flatly.

"What? Why not?" she whined and discarded her magazine. "It would be so much fun!"

My mind balked.

"No, it would not be fun.!" I exclaimed in a hushed tone.

Alice pouted.

"I'm an excellent matchmaker, Bella. I've got the shine. Just let me work my magic!" she begged.

"No."

She crossed her arms across her chest and jutted out her bottom lip.

"No, Alice." I said again.

She was giving me the sad puppy look.

It wasn't going to work.

I shook my head and looked away from her, trying to end the conversation.

"You're not setting me up with anyone." I said, folding my arms across my chest as well. "Especially Embry."

The thought of it all confused me. It just didn't work. I cared for Embry, yes, I loved him to death. But to be _with_ him? It didn't make sense to me.

.

A vision popped my head of Embry and I, awkwardly dancing at my high school prom. Stiffly moving, with our bodies at fully extended arms length apart. I could see Alice trying to shove us closer together as Boys to Men crooned in the background.

I shook my head to clear the thought.

"No." I reiterated.

She huffed quietly and picked her magazine up again.

"You're no fun." she said under her breath and I laughed.

But then she looked up from her magazine again, her eyes staring off to something far away and she became lost in thought. Something in her mind clicked and she smiled to herself.

Fuck.

"Alice…"

Her eyes came back to her magazine and a look of satisfaction reigned supreme in them.

"Not talking to you." sang.

"What?" I balked.

Her head gave a tiny shake and her smile grew. She had ended the conversation.

I huffed and looked away, looking out the window again at the large pines that swayed in the wind.

After lunch, I went off in search of Embry. I wanted to introduce him to Alice already, but she refused to speak and had that smug look. And I was afraid she would try to make us hold hands or something.

I didn't find him at the chess board or basketball courts. I walked down the hallways, occasionally passing a nurse or patient. Finally, I rounded the corner to find him sitting in a window sill, silhouetted against a stream of sunlight and looking outside.

"Hey you." I said walking up to him and leaning against the trim.

He smiled a little. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

He continued to look outside and nodded his head. "Alright, I guess. You?"

"I'm good." I said, smiling at him.

"What are you up to today?"

He shrugged. "Just chillin. You?"

"Same." I said with a sigh. "It's nice out today, we should hang out outside."

"I don't know, I think the weather's about to change." he mused.

I frowned at him and looked out the window. The skies were clear and the sun was bright. I stared back at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The wind's picked up. I think a storm's coming in." he said, gesturing outside.

I looked again to see the tall pines swaying heavily, bending back and forth with the force of the wind.

"Well, shit." I said under my breath.

Embry laughed.

"Well, we've got to do something."

Ten minutes later we were plopped down in front of the TV, commenting on ridiculous infomercials. Noontime Sunday television did not have the most thrilling schedule.

"Kathy, how many potatoes do you think I could chop with this magnificent machine? Um…..five!" Embry said, providing dialog for the two people on screen.

"Oh, Kathy…." he said.

I laughed easily.

"Did you ever watch a show called Mystery Science Theater 3000?" he asked.

"Yes!" I laughed out loud. "Oh my God, it's been forever since I've seen that."

We laughed, talking about our favorite lines and how horrible the movies would actually have been without the commentary.

"Do you remember the hockey hair one?" I asked in between laughs.

Embry's head fell back as he roared with laughter. "Give us your hockey hair! Never!" he exclaimed before being rocked with more laughs. His face scrunched up and the most hilarious sounding giggle came from him.

I couldn't even look at him without laughing. I couldn't breath, I had to stop. I looked away and tried to regain my composure, but it kept bubbling up in me. I looked around the room, looking for anything that did not relate to the topic at hand so that I could focus on it. Anything to keep me from laughing so hard. But then my eyes fell on a pale green pair that were locked on mine.

Edward was across the room, sitting down across from a patient who was talking to him. He was watching me with a curious look on his face. His brow creased slightly as his eyes bounced from me to where Embry sat. Probably wonder what the hell was so damn funny.

But he shook clear the curiosity and returned to the conversation he was having with the older gentleman in front of him. He smiled kindly at him and spoke and listened. I couldn't hear about what, they were too far away.

I turned back to the TV. Embry was holding his breath, trying not to laugh. But his body shook and his grin threatened to part his lips as he crushed his fist to it. A fresh roll of giggles took me and he exploded again. I stole a glance back in Edward's direction and caught him looking again, the same curiosity lingering behind his eyes.

Embry changed the channel to a Mexican daytime soap opera. Neither of us could understand the dialog, but we tried to follow the story. And it was a dramatic one. I lost count of how many times the main woman slapped a guy she was passionately talking to, or slap the woman who we're guessing cheated with said guy.

I snuck another glance in Edward's direction. He was laughing quietly at something the old gentleman had said. His eyes were creased up with laugh lines and his hand rested loosely on his lips. He had a genuine smile. It wasn't fake or forced. He didn't wear it to be polite to the old man, it was just him.

He nodded and laughed again, standing from his chair and smiling at the old man. The elderly gentleman did the same, but shook. His old frame was rickety and he wobbled trying to find his feet.

But then Edward's hand took his, and he placed another under the old man's elbow to steady him. He gave the gentleman a reassuring smile. Slowly, they started walking down the hall. Edward continued talking to him while the old man nodded and smiled. He never let go of the old gentleman's hand.

That's when I noticed something about him. A quality that I had guessed, because he was always so professional and kind, but this was something more.

Edward was good.

Just plain good.

I didn't see anyone my age doing things like escorting the elderly anymore. Or just taking the time to talk to them. It was a quality that had fallen out of fashion, lost on a new generation.

Embry stretched his hands high over his head and stuck out his legs, breathing deep and letting it out with a groan before heaving himself off the couch.

"I think I'm going to go take a nap." he said, bringing my attention back to him.

"Hmm? Oh…alright."

"See you later?" he asked.

"Sure, sure." I said, looking back down the hall to see Edward and the man disappear around the corner.

Embry paused and eyed me funny. He followed my gaze down the hall and back to me with a questioning look.

"What?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

He shook his head and stretched again. "Nothing. See you at dinner."

I stayed on the couch for a little while longer, not paying attention to the boring ramble of the TV. I thought of taking a walk outside, but one look out the windows changed my mind. Like Embry had said, the weather was changing. Great, dark clouds swirled in the sky, bunching up and blocking out the sunlight. The wind had gotten stronger, berating the pines and forcing them to constantly lean in one direction.

I got up and started wandering down the hall to my room. I wondered if Alice was keeping up her silent treatment and if that meant she wouldn't use me as a mannequin….No, she would still use me as a mannequin. I decided to head in the opposite direction.

I passed a few nurses on my way, some greeted me, others were distracted with folders and papers. I saw Angela Webber and said hi to her. I passed a few patients and said hi to them too, one I wasn't sure heard me. She just looked around like she had heard something, then went back to muttering to herself.

I passed by office doors, some open, some not. I would peek inside as I mossied along aimlessly. I dragged my feet a little and started humming an old song. To my right, another office door was open and I gave it a glance.

I paused mid-stride, nearly falling over with my forward momentum. I caught myself and pulled back to peer around the door frame. There, bent over a table was a tuft of bronze hair. I took a step back to get a better look.

Edward sat leaning over a table with his head resting on his palm and an open book laying before him. His foot was tapping a muted beat on the floor and his head bobbed a little.

You should talk to him.

I don't know….

What? Just go say hi, you've been saying hi to everyone else. Why not?

I sighed.

Don't be a pansy, just go talk to him.

Why do I keep having inward conversations with myself?

Everyone does. Just go.

I stepped into the room a few feet, not knowing if it was a restricted space. It looked like a nurses lounge.

"Hey." I called out gently.

But Edward just kept tapping his foot on the ground. His back was to me.

I frowned a little and took another step forward.

"Hey." I said again, a little louder.

He started humming along to the beat he was keeping.

What the hell?

I took another step forward and leaned to his right side. Then I could see a thin white chord traveling from his ear to an iPod resting on his lap.

He couldn't hear me.

I felt like a dumbass.

I looked at his shoulder, debating if I should tap it to gain his attention.

….No, he looks busy. I don't want to bother him.

Oh come on now, we've come this far. Why not talk to him, maybe he'd welcome the company.

And maybe he just wants a moment alone to listen to some music and read a book.

….Maybe you're right. And maybe we should just get out of here now, instead of hovering over him like a creeper.

With a sigh, I turned to leave. I felt like a dumbass. I shouldn't have even come in here, I should have just kept walking.

"Miss Swan?"

Oh fuck.

I froze in place, only three feet from the door.

"Miss Swan." Edward said.

….Shit.

I turned to see him removing an earbud from his ear, music pouring from it.

"Hey…." I said. "I'm sorry, I was just going to say hi. But I can see you're busy."

I turned to leave again.

"Well, I'm not really all that busy. I've been reading the same paragraph over and over… I could use a break." he said, a soft laugh rumbling in his throat.

I nodded.

"So what are you up to this fine Sunday?" he asked.

He removed the other earbud, and looked up at me expectantly.

"Nothing, really…" I said. "Just being lazy."

Edward smiled.

One corner of his lips pulling up to create a shallow dimple in his cheek, and the small laugh lines to ghost around the corners of his eyes.

"Must be nice." he teased.

"Oh shut up-"

I caught myself. It had just come out so easily, responding to his harmless chide as if we'd done it for years. As if we were comfortable to talk to each other that way already. But we just weren't.

I let the wide smile fall from my face and composed myself, clearing my throat and looking for a way to move the conversation forward.

"So what are you reading?" I asked quickly, pulling the book toward me on the table.

"It's uh, Psychiatric Theory. For one of my classes." he said.

"Classes?"

He nodded and rolled the chord of his headphones between his fingertips. "U Dub."

"Oh, you go to school with Emmett!" I said. "Do you know him, Emmett McCarty? He works here too."

Edward's smile grew.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know him." he said

I thumbed through a few pages. The print was small, and there was a lot of it. It looked boring as hell.

"Psychiatric Theory…sounds like fun."

"Mmm…. It can be." he replied.

I looked at him again, with a lot of incredulity.

He laughed again, and a silence fell around us.

Say something.

Like what? Tell me about psychiatric theory? No way.

No, anything. Look outside, it's about to storm balls out there. You could talk about that. Get a new line of conversation going.

You want to talk about the weather…. What the fuck, mind.

Time is ticking, Swan.

Edward's eyes traveled from the book back to mine.

Say something fast.

His pale green eyes locked with mine.

Say something!

But I couldn't. His eyes were in direct line with mine, and there was something about the angle that I was seeing them. His face was soon the only thing in focus. The rest of the room, the rest of the world was fading into a blur.

Say. Something.

I blinked a couple of times and looked around, seeing the rest of the world come slamming back into focus. Edward cleared his throat quietly and looked back to his headphones, rolling them slowly with his fingers.

"What are you listening to?" I asked. Taking the chair next to him.

"Uh, Joy Division." he said quietly.

"Joy Division?"

"Yeah, you know, 'Love Will Tear Us Apart', uh… 'Transmission,' 'She's Lost Control'?" he said.

But all I could do was shake my head. None of those song titles sounded familiar. But then something clicked.

Joy Division.

Embry had talked about them. He couldn't believe my ignorance when I told him I had never heard of them.

"Well, here. Maybe you've heard this." he said, holding up an earbud. "It's called Atmosphere."

I looked at the white earbud he held out to me in his fingers and took it.

Edward's eyes were on mine with an expectant look as he pressed play and waited.

A flood of music filled my left ear, with heavy drums and falling chimes. I listened for a minute. Edward's eye brows lifted, asking if it sounded familiar at all. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my ears. Concentrating on the music. I focused on the thrumming echo of the drums and the steady beat of the base. It was a beautiful song, but I didn't know it.

I opened my eyes and looked to Edward, shaking my head.

"I've never heard it."

"Ah…. They're from the late seventies, so. I guess a lot people our age wouldn't know them." he said with a shrug of his shoulder.

"My friend would know, he loves them." I told him, handing back the earbud.

"Really? My kind of guy." he said with a smirk.

"Yeah, Embry. He's really into music…kind of an aficionado."

Edward's smile fell a little, to where it no longer touched his eyes. But then he quickly changed it to the same, kind smile he always gave and he sat up a little straighter.

"Well, Miss Swan, I'm glad I could help introducing you to good music." he said, winding the chord around the shell of his iPod.

His usual ere of professionalism was back. Like a wall.

"….You don't have to call me that, you know." I said quietly.

He paused in his movements and our eyes connected again.

"You can call me Bella."

His eyes held mine for a moment before softening.

"Bella." he echoed.

Again the corner of his lips turned up, and I smiled back.

"Well, Bella. Are you hungry?" He asked.

"A little I guess, why?"

"Because I'm starving. And I happen to have a lot of ravioli left over." he said, rising from his chair and walking over to the fridge. "It's my mom's recipe."

He pulled out a large tuber ware container filled with raviolis and sauce and placed it in the microwave.

Within a few minutes he had placed a plateful of steaming mushroom raviolis and a couple of cokes between us.

"So UW. What are you studying?" I asked, stabbing a ravioli with my fork and blowing on it.

Edward chewed and took a sip from his coke before answering.

"I'm getting my PhD in psychology." he said simply.

I almost spit out my food mid-chew.

"PhD?" I exclaimed.

He nodded in affirmation.

He certainly didn't look old enough for someone earning a doctorate in psychology.

"How old_ are_ you?"

He laughed low.

"Twenty-five, why? How old are _you_?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, popping another ravioli into his mouth.

"Nineteen."

He nodded.

"Any college?" he asked.

I looked down at the table, twirling my fork.

"No….I um…" I shook my head. "I needed to come here."

Edward paused and looked down, chewing slowly.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be." he said, with a gentle smile. "Long nights of studying, long days of classes, and then working on your off time to pay for it all."

I smiled and popped another ravioli into my mouth. Good Lord, these are amazing…

"These are amazing."

"Thank you." Edward said, an ere of pride in his words.

"You made these?" I asked, a little shocked.

Holy shit, the man could cook!

"Yeah." he said. "My mom taught me how to cook."

"Wow…these are really good, Edward. She taught you well."

"Thank you." he said again, helping himself to more. "They certainly beat Emmett's cooking."

I stared at him for a moment.

"What?"

The small smirk on his lips grew.

"Emmett and I are roommates." he explained. "We kind of grew up together, but he didn't take to cooking as well."

I just stared and laughed.

"He never mentioned that."

Edward just smiled and popped another ravioli.

"You grew up with Emmett." I said flatly.

"Mmm-hmm." he hummed, his mouth filled.

God Damn. All this time I had hung out with Emmett, not once did he say a word about Edward. And he grew up with him? Fucking shit, Emmett.

"Have you ever heard of a band called The Boxer Rebellion?" he asked.

When I shook my head, his eyes lit up.

"I have so much to teach you." he said flatly, reaching for his iPod.

A small giggle escaped me. "What…?"

Holy shit. Please keep control of yourself…

I steadied myself as he quickly unwound the headphones from around it. A small smile on his lips.

"Come here." he said.

I leaned in as he took the earbuds between his fingertips.

"Listen." he said low.

I took the small, white earbuds once again and placed them in my ears. Edward held his iPod in both hands, his thumb resting on the play button.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded.

The excitement in his eyes spread to the rest of his face and his thumb gently pressed down.

Big, tinny sounding drums echoed and banged away. A man's voice began singing, moving up and down in smooth scales.

I gave it a minute, letting the rhythm play out a few times before my foot began to follow it. I pressed my hands to my ears, deepening the base as it thudded low and loud. My head began to move. A little from one side to the other, and beginning to bob in between. I liked it.

"I like it." I said, opening my eyes and looking back to him.

His eyes had relaxed, following me. They held a quiet wonder, a smile. I looked into them for a moment, feeling the same wonder seeping into me. But when he blinked, he seemed to come to, and he looked down to his iPod again.

"You've got to hear this one… it's a little slower, but it picks up around the middle. Slow and heavy at the same time…if that makes any sense." he said.

We spent the evening this way, and most of the night as well. Listening to the music he had collected over the years, talking about favorite bands and albums we had. I confessed to him that I wondered about music that had come out since I'd been here. I wondered what I had missed. I was even willing to listen to top forty just to hear 'what the kids were listening to.'

He advised against it. But could sympathize.

His nose wrinkled a little when I mentioned Kesha.

"What? I like it." I defended.

His face twisted a little more as he considered it.

"Mmm….too pop-ish for me." he said. A quick laugh escaped him. "And that girl is a mess. I wonder if it's an act…."

"So she has an image to uphold… what, not your type?." I said with a grin.

His facial expression turned to one of abhorrence.

"Oh….No. I'm sorry, dried puke in a girls hair just doesn't do it for me." he said.

An image of Jessica Stanley popped into my head. At her hot tub party, downing strawberry daiquiris, cosmopolitans, or any other pink, vodka filled drink. And hoped very much, for her sake and everyone else's that she did not end the night with puke in her hair.

He said that wasn't his 'type.'

….I still hope she doesn't have throw up in her hair, because that's just horrible. But I hoped she didn't fit into a category that was his _type._

Was I his type?

I didn't know the answer to that question. To be perfectly honest, I didn't know much of what he preferred, aside from music. I didn't really know him all that much.

I knew he was kind. I knew he was thoughtful, intelligent, and gracious. I knew he was good.

And for now, that was enough.

But, I wanted to know more. I wanted to know what his preferences were for a lot of things. Did he like blue or red, was he a cat or a dog sort of person, did he enjoy the city more than the countryside, did he drive cars or trucks.

Motorcycle?

Ooo….

I wanted to know a lot of things. I had a million questions, and no questions at all.

Why psychology? What did he plan to do with his degree, how did he come to be a nurse, and how the fucking hell did know Emmett so well?

It all wasn't something I could just ask. It wasn't something we could just discuss, here and now. This was the most I had ever conversed with him, or even interacted. But maybe we'd have other conversations? Maybe we'd sit and talk comfortably, letting the hours while away with ease.

"Please tell me you've heard of The Rolling Stones?" Edward asked, bringing me from my thoughts.

I blinked and looked at him. "Of course I've heard of The Stones, everyone has."

"Thank God." he breathed.

"How long have you known Emmett?" I asked, my questions bubbling to the surface.

I don't know why it bugged me so much that Emmett hadn't mentioned this before. But it did. I was surprised at how much it annoyed me.

Edward leaned back further in his chair, linking his fingers across his stomach.

"We grew up in the same town. We had the same classes up until junior high, but then again in high school. He was kind of a regular at my house." he explained easily.

"I can't believe he never mentioned it." I said.

Edward smiled. "Hmm…Emmett's the kind of guy to just say what floats through his mind at the moment."

"Mmm." I hummed, crossing my arms loosely across my chest.

"It's getting kind of late." Edward said quietly. "I think I've kept you out past your curfew."

I looked at a clock that hung over by the door, it was passed eleven.

Ah fuck. Monday morning was about to roll around.

"I think you might have."

Edward closed his book that had lain forgotten and gathered the remnants of our meal.

"Do you have class tomorrow?"

"Unfortunately, yes." he said, setting the dish and forks in the sink and rinsing them.

We walked down the hall that lead to my room and he told me about the time Emmett had nearly burned their apartment down trying to fry bacon.

"He had half of the pan full of grease. By the time I smelled something burning, the cabinet above the stove was in flames and so was the dish towel on the counter." he laughed.

"He sticks to sandwiches." he added.

"Not B.L.T's?" I asked.

A short laugh escaped him. "I don't think the insurance covers it."

The hall was completely silent, apart from us. So much so, that any noise seemed outrageously loud. The soft tread of our shoes rustled and our hushed words carried. And all too soon, we arrived at my door.

"This is me." I joked, shuffling my feet in an 'aww shucks' way.

Edward smiled. "I had a lovely time."

And God damn it, I knew he was only kidding as much as I was, but I actually almost said 'Aww shucks.' Or at least something of the equivalent.

"Sleep tight, Bella." he whispered.

I didn't want to say goodnight. But it was late and I could feel my eyelids growing heavy, and he had class tomorrow.

"You too." I said in concession.

"I hope so, hopefully I'll get four hours or so." he said quietly.

My brow creased. "Four hours? Why so little?"

"I have to get up early. Class is in the morning and I have beat the traffic." he said.

"What time is you class?" I asked, confused.

"Six."

"Sweet Jesus… I didn't know they even made classes that early." I said.

He laughed low and throaty, the sound of it filling the hall and rumbling against the walls.

"Well, sleep tight all the same. Sorry to keep you out so late." I apologized.

But he shook his head. "It's not a problem, I really did have a lovely time."

His eyes met mine, soft and nearly closed from his smile. A genuine smile.

"Goodnight, Miss Swan." he breathed.

"Goodnight…." I managed.

He smiled once more before turning.

"Edward." I called after him.

"Yes?"

"When do you work next?"

"Tuesday." He whispered.

I nodded, not able to keep myself from smiling. "See you around, then."

One side of his lips pulled to bring out that lovely dimple. "See you."

I opened my door with a slight creek, chancing another look to watch him quietly walking down the hall. With a breathy sigh I crept into the room. Alice's snores gently floated from her side of the room and I slid under my blankets, smiling like a thirteen year old girl.

My dreams were shapeless that night. Not fully formed or coherent, just flashes of sound and color. Fuzzy images where I couldn't make out faces and couldn't place where I was. It all faded into darkness and I fell into a heavy slumber.

Alice eyed me from across the table as she took a bite from her apple.

"At some point, you are going to burst with whatever it is buzzing around inside your head right now. And you will speak to me again." I told her, not looking up from my breakfast.

She just took another crisp bite and smiled ruefully.

…Sweet Lord what _was_ she thinking? She was up to something. And I both and wanted, and didn't want to know what was inevitably coming my way.

I eyed her, probing her eyes with mine and trying to silently coerce her to spill it all. She was planning…

She was evil.

Finally I gave up and looked elsewhere. Where the hell was Embry this morning? I swear that boy skipped more meals than a coked out runway model. He was due to waste away at this rate.

"What are you doing today?" I asked Alice. "Oh that's right, you're giving me the silent treatment for no apparent reason."

Her lips pursed and twisted into that smile she got when she was about to say something snappy. She looked like the cutest little evil pixie.

"I'm seeing Dr. Whitlock today." I baited.

Her eyes flashed to mine and her lips moved to open, but she quickly tightened them again and looked away. I smiled to myself to returned to my bacon and eggs.

Then I had to laugh to myself because the bacon was extra crispy this morning. Maybe Emmett was in the kitchen?

The morning passed quickly, without any sight of Embry. Part of me wondered if he was hiding away again. If he was having trouble again so soon. And part of me wondered if our timing was bad and we just kept missing each other. He did have things to do other than hanging out with me. I hoped it was the latter.

"Afternoon, Bella." Dr. Whitlock greeted me warmly. "How was your Sunday?"

He stood behind his desk, clasping his hands behind him when I entered his office at one o'clock.

"Lovely." I said, not exactly hiding my goofy grin.

"Excellent." he smiled, gesturing for me to take a seat before settling in his own.

"I want to thank you for coming in on Saturday, that was very thoughtful of you." I said.

"Ah, the pleasures all mine." he said warmly. "It's always good to meet families, it makes this a less isolated endeavor. And I think it makes people more comfortable."

I smiled in response.

"Well it's appreciated, and I think Charlie would agree with you."

"He's a good man." he said grabbing a black coffee mug. It had a large Texas state flag and 'Don't Mess With Texas' in large, bold letters. "Cares about you a lot."

"I know he does." I said, looking at my hands as I lazily picked at my nails.

"Jacob's a nice young man." he said, bringing the mug to his lips.

"Yeah, he's a good buddy." I agreed.

"Just a buddy?" he asked, taking a sip.

I looked up at him.

"Ye-es."

He nodded, resting the mug in both hands.

Then an accusing thought entered my mind.

"Alice hasn't talked to you about him has she?"

"No…why?" he said with his thick accent, placing an 'h' before the 'w' in 'why'.

"No reason."

Whew… for a second I thought maybe Alice had recruited him in her whole matchmaker plot. Or maybe I was just really paranoid.

We talked for a while longer about life back home in Forks, things I did with Charlie and Jacob, and how that had all changed by coming here. He asked me how often I kept in touch with them and encouraged me to maintain our relationships.

He asked if I had seen my mother at all, which I hadn't. But I did tell him about the dream I had, with Emmett's knee blowing out and my father's hands covered with my mother's blood while he cradled her lifeless body. He offered possible reasons as to why I would dream that, but not once did it seem like my experiences with other doctors. He didn't take his interpretation as scientific fact, just his own humble opinion. He laughed when I explained about the chocolate.

"I always had zombie dreams when I was a kid." he said. "Still do, sometimes."

He shuddered exaggeratedly. "I hate zombies."

I laughed with him.

"Don't tell anyone, but uh….I can't watch scary movies." he said, looking around.

"What? Really?"

He nodded, chewing on his lip. "Just can't do it. I'll have bad dreams every time."

I laughed out loud, knowing he meant it to be funny and wouldn't take offense.

"Darn zombies…" he muttered and took another sip from his Texas mug.

We talked about anything and everything. I told him about Embry, and about Alice's ridiculous cupid plot and hold out. He shook his head and laughed quietly to himself.

"She does have a strong personality. She's the determined type." he said.

"That she is."

"Don't you worry, I really don't think she'll keep up the cold shoulder much longer. It's not in her nature." he said.

"Yeah, she's not the silent type. Half the time I don't think she even breathes in between sentences."

"Well…" he said, cocking his head to one side. "That, and she's a very dedicated person. She doesn't neglect the ones she loves."

He looked at me pointedly.

"She cares about you very much, you know."

I nodded and stared at my hands again. "I do know."

"And _she's_ lucky to have you." he said. "She doesn't have too many reliable people in her life..."

"What do you mean?"

His eyes flashed to mine, and he looked as though he were debating whether it was his business to tell me. They tightened slightly as he looked away.

"I won't be meeting _her_ family." he said curtly.

I looked away, picking at my fingers now for an excuse to do so.

"Are….are they dead?" I asked, my voice sounded so small.

There was a quiet storm behind Dr. Whitlock's eyes. But at my words, the fire was snuffed and cooled instantly.

"No, no they aren't dead…." he dismissed.

He hesitated, but continued. "Let's just say, they don't exactly share her qualities in loyalty."

I could see the anger spark up again in him, but he kept it reigned in, controlled.

"Anyway…" he exhaled. "You're lucky to have such a loving family, Bella. And I know you know that…"

I nodded again. "Yes, I do."

He took a long pull from his mug.

Poor Alice….. I had no idea. She was always so happy, so effervescent and positive that I never would have guessed her home life to be any different.

I couldn't, for the life of me see why or how anyone couldn't _love _Alice. Yes, she could be a little much at times, but in a way that you didn't really want to avoid. She downright pissed me off at times, but not enough for me to hate her. Not enough for me to even think ill of her. I couldn't even come close to that, I could never even scratch the surface.

And it was difficult to imagine anyone who could.

There were good people, and there were bad people. People who cared, and people who only cared for them selves…That's just the way life is. But for someone so good as Alice, it didn't make sense for her to be tangled with people who weren't. It seemed like a crime.

The way Dr. Whitlock talked about her, the unnerved despise he seemed to have for her parents…He was a good man. A man who cared.

He seemed to be the dedicated type too…The type that didn't neglect loved ones.

And I _know_, there has to be some kind of law against it, but if there indeed was anything between them, if he felt the same way for her as she did him…Then I couldn't find any wrong in it….Apart from it being ethically wrong. He is her doctor after all.

But I took some comfort in the thought of him being there for her, in whatever capacity. In place of a pair of dead beat parents to care for and adore her. As she or anyone deserved.

It was strange. But, he seemed the right fit for her. Something about the match up of their personalities, something about the fit of them. He fit perfectly in the space at her side.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Enough with the musings of a possible inappropriate, albeit suited, romance between my roommate and our doctor.

"Well, Bella…it's always a pleasure." he said, standing from his chair.

"Same to you." I said, mirroring him.

"Be sure to call your father when you get the chance." he insisted. "I've got his card."

Smiling to himself, he picked up from his desk the business card Charlie had handed him on Saturday.

"Don't want to lose this." he said casually removing his wallet from his pocket.

It was an old, tattered brown leather bi-fold. Standard issue to men everywhere. He grinned carefree as he flipped it open to place my father's card inside.

It seemed to be in slow motion. And I don't know how that happens. Maybe it's the shock that causes it. It's too much information for the brain to process at once, so it literally slows down under the load and strain. But that's how seemed to happen. The leather slowly unfolded, swinging wide open. There were a few slots filled with various cards, a clear plastic covered slot for his drivers license, and a few plastic pouches meant for photographs.

They all flopped in succession of the free end of his wallet. Fluttering until the top photo came to rest above the others, old and well worn. A photo of a young family. There was a beautiful young woman with long dark hair and almond shaped, dark brown eyes. There was a small boy in her arms. He couldn't have been older than two, with long curly blond locks and the bluest eyes. His smile was so wide and joyful, his hands were in front of him, clasped together like he was clapping. And standing behind the two of them was a tall young man with the largest smile of all. His arms too were around the boy. His eyes were bright and loving. A proud and happy man. His grin crooked, pulling wide to one side, his wavy dark blond hair tucked behind his ear.

Jasper Whitlock was the proudest father on the face of the earth.

I heard when he said goodbye, when he said he would see me again tomorrow. But I just nodded numbly, and made my way to the door. My brain had shut down completely, crashing in the overload of information. It was too much to comprehend, to digest at once.

I couldn't even feel my legs as I walked into the hallway. I didn't see anyone's faces as I passed them. I didn't even know if I was breathing. When I rounded the corner, I found the set of stairs that lead to the common passage way, and an exit at the base of them.

Without a thought, or caution for my own safety, I flew down the stairs and pushed through the door. My breath came in large gusts as I walked across the grass and then on to the pavement of the basketball courts.

He was married….. With a kid…a son. He was married. He was married. He was married.

"Ahhh…fuck!" I breathed.

I began to pace, not knowing what to do with my hands. They went from my hip to my hair, raking through it and then to covering my mouth.

Oh my God….

He was married?

Fuck…..he was married! With a baby! A sweet little baby boy, with rosy cheeks and soft blond curls…

Fucking shit!

Alice…

I had to tell her, she needed to know. But what was I going to say?

How do you explain this sort of thing? It was going to kill her…. Not too many reliable people in her life is right…including a deadbeat douche bag of a doctor. Praying on her condition, having her fall in love with him, letting her fall in love with him. All the while having a family at home.

Fucking asshole…. This was going to kill her. This was going to absolutely crush her…. Her bright, spunky light was about to be snuffed out because of one lying, slime bucket piece of shit.

You have to tell her…

I know that, mind, thanks.

It's better she knows sooner rather than later. It's best she doesn't waste anymore time loving a lie…

I know….I know that.

I covered my mouth tightly with my right hand as my left rested on my hip and looked back to the building. Where she was. Where he was….

"You dick..." I breathed, and slowly began walking back to the exit door.

The hall way no longer seemed so long. The time it would take to reach the door of our room would take no time at all, not now that there was such news to deliver… fuck.

I would find her soon. There would be that brief moment of ignorance on her part. A brief moment longer that everything was close to perfect in her world. A moment before it would all come to fall around her, shattering at her feet. And I would be witness to it.

I tried to control my breathing as I walked down the hall. It came in shaky and short. It was like informing someone of a death, having to utter the words that would hurt them. Alice was my friend, and this would hurt her. It would hurt me. But I wouldn't be the one inflicting the pain, that was 'Dr. Jasper's' fault.

One less despicable person to be in her life…that's all this is. Letting her know the truth so that she could cut the tether. So that she could free herself of another negative tie. Free to be her bright, effervescent self. And if anyone would be at her side, I would. I'd be that decent person. I'd be that reliable friend….

"Bella."

I looked up to see Embry coming my way.

"Embry? Hey, it's not a good time right now-"

"I need to talk to you." he said, coming to a halt in front of me and blocking my way.

I sighed and looked up at him. His jaw was flexing and his body seemed stiff.

"What?" I asked, wondering what had him so agitated.

He looked me over and took a breath.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

Far from it. I had a bombshell to deliver, so I wasn't exactly peachy.

"Not really, not right now. What did you want to talk about?"

"Well, I just….I didn't see you at dinner last night…and I haven't seen you all day. I was just….concerned." he explained.

I remembered back to last evening, I had spent it with Edward. And there had been no need for dinner, Edward had provided raviolis.

"I was just thinking, you know how I kind of ran off for a little while…I was just…I was worried you were doing the same. I know you've seen things that aren't there…I know you've seen your mom. It worried me is all."

My mind stopped shouting for a moment, distracted from the impending doom by his words and obvious concern.

"Oh, Embry…No I'm fine. I haven't been hiding, I just got to talking to Edward yesterday afternoon and kind of just lost track of time." I dismissed.

He stared at me for a moment, his mouth opening as though he were going to speak. But nothing came out. He shifted his weight.

"Edward?" he asked flatly.

"Yeah, he one of the nurses-"

"I know who he is." he said coldly.

I was taken aback but his sudden change in tone.

"What?"

He just shook his head.

"What?" I asked a little more strongly.

"Nothing." he said, returning his eyes to mine. "Will I see you tonight at dinner?"

His eyes had softened and the tone of his voice returned to the low and quiet timbre he usually had.

I took a deep breath and down cast my eyes. "I don't know, Embry….there's something I need to take care of right now…"

His eyes tightened again and his lips became a tight line before he looked away and nodded.

"Embry…" I couldn't understand what was troubling him. I couldn't see what he looked so dejected over.

"I'm not avoiding you…It's just not a good time right now, okay?"

He nodded again, not meeting my eyes.

"I have to go." I told him.

"Yeah." he said quickly and brushed past me.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away, his shoulders tight.

"Embry." I called out to him.

But he didn't acknowledge me. I sighed and brought my hands up to my face again, covering my eyes and taking a deep breath.

What the fuck was up his ass? I'd have to talk to him later. After I dealt with this.

I looked up the hall again.

"Let's do this" I told myself.

Our door was cracked open when I came to stand before it, and I could hear noise inside. There was music playing. Heavy beats of house dance music and Madonna's voice assaulted my ears as I slowly pushed the door open.

Alice was on her side of the room, dancing and humming along to the beat as she folded laundry and placed it on her bed. My heart began to thud in my chest in deep, painful beats. She shook out a grey sheer top and began to fold it.

"Alice?" I called out.

But she just continued to move with music.

I took a couple of steps closer.

"Alice." I said louder. I knew she could hear me, because I could actually hear myself over the noise.

She shook her head in tune with the beat.

"Mmm mmm mmm…." she hummed, a smug smile playing on her lips.

The silent treatment.

I exhaled sharply and step behind her, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her to face me.

"I need to talk to you." I said.

Her smile widened and she stuck her nose in the air defiantly.

"Alice-" I turned and shut off the music. "Alice…there's something I have to tell you."

Her smile fell slightly as her eyes roamed mine.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Oh, and this doesn't count as talking to you, it's just off the record."

"Alice." I said, cutting her off.

Her smile fell completely. "What is it? Is Embry…"

Full concern took her eyes.

"No, no Embry's fine. I think…but this. This is something else."

Her eyes stayed on mine and she nodded slowly for me to continue.

"Alice maybe you should sit down…"

Her brow quirked.

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" she asked. "You're kind of freaking me out."

"Just sit…please?" I sighed.

"Alright…" she agreed, moving a pile of clothes and sitting on the edge of her bed.

Suddenly I wasn't so sure how to explain what I had just seen. I didn't know how to start….Hey, Alice. You know that guy you want to marry? Well, shitty thing, someone already beat you to it.

"Bella, what is it?" she asked.

I began to wring my hands together, but then decided to shove them in my back pockets.

"Alice…how well do you know Jasper?" I asked tentatively.

Confusion passed in her eyes.

"Fairly well, why?" her brow creased.

I sighed.

"Has he ever…mentioned kids?"

Alice's eyes closed and a breathy laughed escaped her.

"Bella, I think it's a little soon for us to start discussing kids. I mean, we're not even _really_ dating yet-"

"No, Alice….not…kids with…you." I forced.

Confusion returned to her eyes.

"You mean like kids in general?" she asked. "I'm pretty sure he wants kids, he's the type."

"Alice, he has a kid." I blurted out.

Her mouth hung open from her last word and her eyes stayed on mine.

"No, he doesn't." she said quietly, her eyes falling.

Fuck…Alice, honey….

"Yes…he does, Alice."

She shook her head.

"Bella, you don't know-"

"I saw the picture, Alice." I cut her off again. "I saw it…he keeps it in his wallet….He has a family."

"No-"

"Alice, he's cheating on you!" I shouted. "He has a family that he goes home to _every_ night. He has a wife and a son…."

I stared into her eyes and saw a sad defiance.

"He's a dirt bag, Alice…."

She stood up.

"Bella, you don't know what you're talking about." she said.

"Alice, honey… I saw it." I said, pleading for her to hear me.

"I _saw _it."

Her lips tightened.

"He doesn't have a son, Bella…" she said saddly.

I opened my mouth to speak, but she stopped me.

"He doesn't have a son…He _had_ a son." she said bitterly.

My mind stalled.

She sighed heavily and sat down again, patting the space next to her.

"Sit." she ordered quietly. And I obliged.

"Her name was Maria." she said, her voice dry and somber. "They met when he was seventeen…she wasn't a legal citizen, but she lived with her family in the same town that Jasper's grandparents lived in. He and his sister moved in with them after they're parents died."

Alice's eyes stared far off and became cold around the edges.

"They started dating…Maria got pregnant…and he married her." she explained. "He thought he was in love with her, well, he was…but she wasn't in love with him….She was using him. I don't know if he knew that at the time….part of me thinks he at least suspected it…but he loved her. And you would do anything for the one you love…."

"Shortly after the baby was born, he became ill. They thought maybe it was just a cold, but it only got worse. Jasper's job didn't provide health benefits, and Maria didn't have documentation, so his grandparents took the baby to the hospital under their name."

Her eyes fell to the floor.

"They lost him." she said quietly.

My heart stopped.

Alice's eyes met mine, somber and heavy.

"After their son's death, Maria learned that her marriage to Jasper did not guarantee American citizenship and that in the event of a child being born on American soil, the child would be given citizenship, not the parent." Alice said.

"She left him." she said. "She didn't care for him at all….I would hope that she at least cared about the child they had together…but she was only in it for herself."

Alice looked away.

There was nothing I could say. For the second time today, my brain had crashed.

I just stared after Alice, reeling from the unexpected news. I had come here, expecting to deliver the worst of news to her, only to have it returned. My heart sank…I couldn't imagine such a loss…to lose a life you thought you had built with someone, a life that you loved. Only to have it all fall apart in your hands.

"Oh my God…" I uttered.

Alice just nodded silently.

"He's a good man, Bella." she said quietly. "I knew that the moment I met him."

I looked into her eyes again.

"Alice, I'm so sorry….I thought…I thought he was going to hurt you."

She looked to me and smiled sadly.

"Well, I appreciate it." she said.

I looked away feeling like the world's largest jackass.

She patted my hand and sighed, rising from her seat and resuming the folding of her laundry.

"You're a good friend, Bella." she said.

I took a walk before dinner that night. I needed time alone, to think and recover from the shock of the day. I found a large, old oak on the eastern side of the grounds and sat beneath it. The night air was soothing, its cool touch a welcomed distraction from all that was in my head. I felt tired, like I had run from one extreme to another, and my nerves were about shot.

There was so much to Jasper. So many horrible things in such a short span of time. So much life, and love and death packed into a five year period. And at such a young age. I couldn't imagine going through what he had. And I certainly couldn't see myself getting passed it. It would feel like a whole lifetime just up and vanished, and a new one had taken its place.

I leaned back, my head resting on the base of the wide oak. Looking up at its thick limbs, stretched out and solid, I remembered that Edward would be here again tomorrow. I smiled to myself as the cool breeze danced through the leaves, causing them to rustle and shimmer. Emmett would be working tomorrow as well. I'd have to give him shit.

With a long exhale, I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. My eyes came back down to see the glowing lights of the hospital. The cafeteria was still brightly lit, and I could see a few people still lingering and eating. I wondered if Embry had eaten yet or if he was still waiting for me.

I needed to talk to him. He had been worried about me. Worried that I had been struggling as he had. Worrying just as I had worried over him. And I laughed to myself as I realized I was indeed curled up under a tree in the cold of the night, as I had once hoped Embry hadn't.

I took a deep breath, raising myself up to stand and making my way back to the building. Back to Alice, who had resumed her tight lipped smile, and not spoken to me any further. And back to my friend Embry, who had no need to concerned.

**AN: Well my lovies. It was an extra long chapter, just for you. And there were a couple of bombshells I had to throw in there. Horrible ones. But I hope you enjoyed it all the same. And once again, I will be away for sometime. And very busy. But as I promised before, I will write when I can and post when I can. The upside of it all is that I will be able to visit La Push again. I've been twice, and fell in love with it. Maybe it will inspire some more Jacob stuff perhaps?**

**Anyway, if you're sticking with this story, thank you. And if you are just now reading it, welcome!**

**I can't wait to write the next chapter and post it for you guys. I'll see you when I see you, I guess. In the mean time take care, and you can follow me on facebook: Emmetts Coastie. **

**Much love. Muah!**


End file.
